JUST THOUGHTS

RIP Uncle Peter

2012-01-12T21:51:00.001-07:00

My Uncle Peter died just before Christmas. He was in the hospital and we knew he was on his last days, but it still was hard to hear. I flew home and spoke at his funeral. Here is my tribute to a man I loved!

    I want to remember and honor Uncle Peter today! He was a man I loved, respected and held in great esteem. In Ecclesiastes it says there is a time for everything under the sun. I think that if anyone looks over a lifetime, even me at my life so far, we can see how there are seasons in our lives.
     My memories of Uncle Peter start as a child. A season of joy, for Uncle Peter had his love, his Emily. They were a beautiful couple, their house filled with love. I remember I felt comfortable with them, that is saying a lot because as a kid I was shy. I remember corresponding by letter with them. It made me feel very special to write and for them to write me. I remember going to visit them and getting really cool movie posters, I think Uncle Peter designed them, and it just made me feel special to get those posters.
Uncle Peter was a very creative man, he loved woodworking and he loved his gardening, but most of all he loved his Emily. I remember when Aunt Emily fell ill. A season of mourning for Uncle Peter. I remember being at the hospital with my parents and Uncle Peter. I remember the last breath and the anguish that washed over Uncle Peter. Now that I'm married I look back and see his strength and endurance through the pain and loss. I know he struggled after he lost his love, his heart broken but he kept on.
     Uncle Peter kept himself busy with his woodworking and gardening after that. He was still in a season of mourning but also a season of change was on him. He moved to Peterborough where he had family and friends close by. I know mom and dad grew very close to him over the years. I remember Uncle Peters smile and laugh and the fun we had at Helen's in Bancroft. I remember him showing me Emily's garden, he was so proud and rightly so it was beautiful. I think the flowers in that garden flourished because they were nurtured in that love for his Emily. My husband and I were blessed by the beauty of his love, the beauty of his garden. We had our wedding pictures there and I will forever remember my Uncle Peter when I look at those pictures of our love captured in a garden created out of love for his Emily.
     Many in this room loved Uncle Peter. He will always hold a special place in my heart. He always had a smile and a hug for me and showed me respect and I respected him greatly. Uncle Peter wasn't a faultless man. he was a man who faced the seasons of life and worked to change the things he could and to come to peace with the things he couldn't.

Christmas

2012-01-12T21:19:00.003-07:00

We had a very quiet Christmas. We did it early since my husband was working over Christmas day. Don't worry Santa worked with us and showed up early for the kids. The kids got a ds and a game for Christmas,and Santa brought what they asked for a holiday barbie for big girl and a remote control helicopter for big boy. They loved their stoking loot too. Ethan loved his star trek lego watch. Baby boy loves his Eeyore, his chewy toy and his cookie monster toy.

Thanksgiving=surprise visit from my parents

2012-01-12T21:08:00.001-07:00

My parents pulled a fast one on us. They had told us they planned to come for Christmas then showed up at my in-laws as a surprise Thanksgiving. Well of course they just couldn't wait to meet their news grandchild. After we got over the shock it was a nice visit. Dinner at my in-laws where my parents stayed. Wow I sure lucked out there, great in laws. We had lots of time with them at our house too. Dad made tatty scones, and it was sure nice having an extra set of hands in the kitchen. Hope you enjoyed some of our photos of the happenings.

Yeah for Grandma's and Great Grandma's

2011-10-04T09:30:00.003-06:00

Great Grandma came to visit in August. Aunt Sharon and Jill brought her up. It is too bad that I didn't get any pictures of them, it was so good visiting with them too. Grandma stayed up for a couple weeks and we certainly enjoyed our visits with her. My baby got lots of cuddles with his great grandma and had many a conversations with her! My kids loved the cream ca ca (unsure of spelling) that great Grandma made.

Grandparents are such blessings. It was nice to have her over to our house for a visit.

Grandma giving my youngest some cuddles and pats. He was out for the count! We are so blessed to live in the same city as my husbands parents. They were such a big help when I had to go have Miles early. They took the other kids and left me with a peace about them being taken care of. I am tearing up here remembering those days. And when we got back from Edmonton and the NICU grandma would drop in and fold some laundry and help me around the house.

Such a beautiful lady I am blessed to call mother-in-law! And my youngest in his glory on Grandma's lap.

I certainly miss my parents and Nana and am sad that the kids don't get to grow up with them like they do Grandma and Grandpa. We are looking forward to them coming up for Christmas.

Life oh life

2011-09-30T10:41:00.001-06:00

I haven't blogged in a while, I guess three kids keep my busy enough. The weather is cooling off and I feel the chill of winter fast approaching. I actually dread the winter up here since it gets very very cold. I am vowing this year that when the weather is actually nice like -10 that I will take the kids for walks and play outside more this year.

But lets not talk about that yet. The leaves are turning color and falling and it is beautiful outside. We just had a family photo shoot with my sister in law. She had a great location for us and I am so excited to see the results of some fun poses.

We have been having issues with our computers lately. My husband is a bit of a computer nerd so if he can't figure it out it is major.

Baby has a cold right now and I feel so bad for him. He coughs coughs then says arg (my interpretation). He is just over four months and growing so well. He has some really big mitts. I think he is going to be big like daddy. My big boy is in grade one and I am already stressing over the peer influences. He is a sweet boy but very active and I'm fearful his energy could be refocused into negative behavior if encouraged. I do like his teacher she is so sweet and very easy going lady. My daughter is in preschool and I already like how it is helping her be a better listener and cleaner upper. She really seems to be growing up too fast. She says she likes fashion...lol. She loves dresses and getting her hair done.

I don't have any pictures because as I said the usual computers are sent away getting fixed.

I am loving these cuddley days with my baby and remembering to soon it will be gone. What do you love these days?

Love family visits

2011-08-31T10:45:00.006-06:00

Here are some pictures of my sister and nephews visit. I really wish my brother in law Wayne could of came too. We missed him.

When I found out I was pregnant I called and asked my sister to come help out after the baby came. She said she would and I was so excited to have her come. She had never been to my house, or been to visit me since I moved away from Ontario 11 years ago. I have been back to my hometown to visit them but there was something so special about having them come here!

I enjoyed spending time with my nephews. We took them to the discovery center to learn about the oilsands, and to the beach to swim and play in the sand (even if it was windy and cold, welcome to the north). We spent time just hanging out and watching cartoons, and going to the skate park/playground. I know my daughter sure loved her Auntie spending time with her and doing her hair so pretty, and my son thought his big cousins were so cool. Him and Josh played lego lots.

My sister was an amazing help with everything!!!! I so appreciated her being here. I enjoyed our time together too. I love my sister and nephews and wished we were closer. I am sort of planning a big visit next summer.... hopefully.

There are moments...

2011-08-07T22:38:00.002-06:00

Sitting here, in a quiet moment thinking about the last couple of months. Wow, things have been crazy. I was perusing pictures on my husband's iphone and was actually shocked at how sick I looked post op (c-section). All the pains of yesterday are often forgotten quickly in the moments of everyday life. My baby was very little and sick. How did I ever make it through those moments.

I look and marvel at my precious baby boy. I kiss him and tell him I love him. Things of life can turn upside down in a moment without notice. I just can't begin to think of all the instances I have experienced that in my life and the lives of those around me. When I was young I remember the neighbour boy who was just going to the store for his parents. He choose to go look at the river and foolishly in a moment of error fell threw the ice and drowned. Or Jen sweet Jen who was like a sister to me, a nice neighbor. Who because of a moment of forgetfulness didn't put on her seat belt, and got into a car with a guy who drove drunk and the car crashed and in that moment a sweet friend, sister, daughter was killed. So many wrong chooses that in a moment end life. Rob in highschool who just couldn't deal with life choose to shoot himself in the head. My friend Jared who in a moment of chance the rope he was trying to tow a car with came flying at him when it snapped with such force in that moment killed him. My uncle, oh how I loved him, his great big bear hugs, how he could make me smile, such a sweet sweet soul. He got depressed and the chemical imbalance that the medication created caused him in a moment to choose to kill himself. I could go on but I will stop there as examples of how life in a moment can change.

This to say why be bitter and live in the hurts of yesterday. We need to live for today, we need to forgive, and move on. The moments we have in our lives, with those we love and some of them being the ones needing forgiving, can be fleeting. There are moments to choose how we will live. I choose to live in freedom! I choose to live in these moments not reliving the pains of yesterday but being thankful ohhh so thankful for these moments I have today. I choose life, to live in joy and in the moment.

My baby is 2 months old... where is the summer going?

2011-07-31T18:00:00.006-06:00

Wow I can't believe that my baby is already 2 months old. It seems just like yesterday that I was being medi-vaked to Edmonton. He is such a strong little solder, dealing with so much. He has recently been diagnosed with reflux. He will scream in pain and is inconsolable. We have started him on some medication and it seems to be helping a little in the way that he can be calmed easier now. The pediatrician said it would take up to 2weeks to fully help. He is growing and growing! His big brother and sister love him so much they are always kissing his little head. My little Miss has taken to singing the baby his song skinamarinki dinki dink I love you whenever he cries.

Some days I feel like I take it all in step, then others I feel like I might go crazy. My husband's encouragement of Oh honey you did it with the other two you will make it through this one... ohhhh thanks. How about you empty the dishwasher, do a load of laundry, or put away your own dishes. I shouldn't complain he really is a good dad. We just had a mini vacation where he took the kids to a swimming pool, the movies, the Capital Ex, and a monster truck show.

I am feeling like summer is slipping away from us. June was lost in the nicu trauma. Then July was dealing learning to settle into life with three kids. The highlight was my sister and nephews coming to visit. I felt so taken care of by my big sis, and I loved hanging out with my nephews that I don't get to see enough ( like years between visiting them in Ontario). I plan to blog and post pictures on this. There is a family reunion on my husbands side next weekend I wish we could of gone to, but with a little baby it just won't work. Also, little baby boy has his circumcision this week, which stresses me out a bit. We are looking forward to some relatives coming to town for a visit this month. It will be great spending time with my husband's grandma and aunt and cousin. And I now this will make the weeks in August to fly by.

Now my son goes into grade one and my daughter into preschool so supplies must be bought and a couple new outfits too.

This is our summer, our life right now.

A baby boy was born

2011-06-25T08:26:00.006-06:00

May 30: I had to be medivacked to Edmonton because the ob here was concerned with my blood work, and that baby may have to come early. The med interns did not seemed to concerned with me since my blood pressure was a little high but nothing dangerous. They were talking about how I would probably be observed than released... hmmm what the??? Then late that night they came back in and said that my blood work came back and it was worse then earlier. They were doing a c-section and taking baby out. I was so taken aback but still rolling with the punches. The doctor came and she said we were having a c-section to take baby out that their was far to great of a danger of me having a stroke, or seizure. I was put on magnesium sulphate which is horrible stuff. I was going with things and the nurses on labor and delivery floor were amazing. Then when I was in the or and being given a spinal it all HIT me. When my husband got in I told him I was so scared and he told me baby was going to be fine... but he wasn't. He cried as soon as he was out but as a mother I knew his cry didn't sound right. The peds specialist assessed him and had left only to be called back minutes later and baby was rushed off to the NICU. His breathing was so labored his little chest was sucking in so far, and he was grunting. He looked so big and healthy, he was 6lbs 15oz 5weeks early. He had to be given oxygen and was put on cpac, then was xrayed and found to have a phnemothorax and was put on pressurized oxygen tent. That was when I got to see him a day later. I wasn't allowed to leave the floor because I passed out in the shower and was still on a high amount of magnesium phosphate. I learned from the nurses that I had hellp syndrome, and I had guessed as much that I had preeclampsia. I really felt like the medical doctors did not explain what was going on with me.
This amazing above picture was taken by my sister in law Sharolyn. She captured some great shots for me. He looked so helpless and fragile. I felt so guilty that I couldn't keep him in until he was ready to be outside. His sad little face those first week broke my heart and wished I could take away all his pain. He wasn't strong enough to nurse and I wasn't able to pump enough for him and so he had to have some supplementing of formula. He seemed to be getting bigger and stronger and was bottle feeding well and practicing on mommy. Then he had blood in his poop. He was taken off of feeding and was put on antibiotics. He had what a lot of preemies get when they start eating, nec. Poor little guy. The doctors figure it was from the formula. Hmmm something else for me to feel guilty about, that I couldn't produce enough food for my baby. This happened the same weekend I had to be readmitted because I had post par tum preeclampsia. Well, the nurses and doctor caught the nec early and within 4 days baby was able to start back on some oral feedings of expressed breast milk, then he was allowed to nurse and he caught on within 2days. It made me so happy since I was so worried he wouldn't be able to nurse. He got better and better, then the Sunday we got a setback with his breathing being irregular. It turned out that he was okay and that a nurse and her nursing student where being a little zealous by giving him oxygen. The doctor said that sometimes healthy mature (he was 37weeks/full term) babies like sick babies. There was a sick baby with a contagious staph infection right beside him and I was stressed he was going to catch it, but the tests came back normal and we were able to take him "home" finally on Tuesday three weeks after being born.
He is nursing like a pro and is sleeping and acting very much like a normal baby now!!!!

Gestational diabetes

2011-05-27T08:36:00.002-06:00

High blood pressure with traces of protein in my urine. Headaches and vision disturbances and just feeling horrible. Baby seems to be doing okay in spite of my horrible habitat for him. I mean really my body is not a great thing in pregnancy. Oh yeah throwing up off and on for the last 81/2 months. Being exhausted because of the diclectin I take to prevent the upchucks, and my low iron. These are things I have to deal with now for the last month I have been told, rather late, that I have gestational diabetes. ugggg

So since it was late being diagnosed there is a concern for baby's health. He is big already, I know this because I measure at 34 weeks to be the size of 37 week pregnant woman. Also there is a concern about his lungs developing correctly. I will have an ultrasound to check on the little guy, and if there are concerns I will have to have an amniocentesis to check him. Yeah that is a giant needle that goes in my stomach and into my baby. I am on the verge of crying just typing that, it totally freaks me out. So, I have given a blood glucose monitoring machine and have to test my blood first thing in the morning and 2hours after meals. I have to food journal and what my carbohydrates intake. I think I will miss juice the most. I only have a week to get my levels good or I have to do insulin. I mean really can things get anymore stressful for me this last month. Yes yes it can. My husband is having health issues too. That is another blog.

Praying God's peace finds a home in my soul, because these days I can break into tears at any moment.

My newest toy which I hate

Not glowing these days

2011-05-25T09:30:00.002-06:00

As I lounge in the lazy boy my to do list seems undo-able. I have been absolutely exhausted and worn out these days. Really really done. We have been having forest fires burning around our town for a while now and it has been really irritating my eyes. As I sit and think that baby will come in a month or less there are so many things I want to get done before he comes. I have washed clothes, blankets, towels, diapers. I have the cradle set up and his baby quilt is almost finished. But my garden needs weeding, my planters need planting, our room needs cleaned and organized, my fridge needs a good scrubbing and my windows need cleaned. Not to mention the day to day things like simply getting that basket of laundry put away, putting that pile of things on the counter downstairs on the pantry shelves, going for groceries, making supper, not to mention lunch and snacks, and simply (ha ha) keeping the house clean. Last night while making supper I was having stabbing pains in my mid/lower back. I am achy and so tired.

Now last night my daughter was up coughing horibly most of the night. She had breathing issues as a baby and was on two different puffers so this recent coughing fits in light of the horrrible smoke in town concerns me. Today I am so tired, and I am not suppose to have caffeine because my blood pressure has been high.

I have an ob appointment this afternoon and am not looking forward to it. My doctor is worst case scenario for everything and at this point I don't think I can handle anymore "bad news". I am not naive and when my husband and I choose to get a second opinion about having more children and decided, obviously, to have another baby we took all the negative with the positives. I plan to express my exhaustion and that I can't handle his negative comments to the nurse today when she does my blood pressure.

My husband is on days off now so heres to hoping he is extra helpful around the house. Maybe I will get some to do things done with his help. I would like to have more patience with my kids, and maybe some sort of restful sleep soon.

Yummy candy

2011-05-11T14:55:00.000-06:00

I may or may not be eating emotionally today. Right now anyways, eating jubees candy.

This past weekend the kids and I came in contact with Fifth disease. A highly contagious virus. So through discussion with sons school I have decided to quarantine us. It can potentially cause harm to the baby growing with in me. This is the second time this pregnancy that I have come in contact with a sickness that could potentially harm the baby (fetus). I will have a blood test on Friday after I see my ob to determine if I have it. I am not overly concerned since I am 8 months along and baby is mostly developed at this point, it is just another thing to think about. Of all my pregnancies this one has been the most plagued by potential disaster. We tried for a year to get pregnant this time, and experienced a miscarriage along the journey. Now here we are 2 virus scares, now blood pressure issues, and signs of pre pre eclampsia. Also, I am just getting over a cold so have already been home bound mostly for 2 weeks. I guess I am just feeling a bit defeated today.

I think I must keep myself busy with fun baby projects. I have set up the cradle, which is soooo sweet. And was going to start sewing the quilt I plan to make for baby together and I can't find the brown thread I need. Hmmmm maybe I didn't buy it.... dummy. Also, I got a little overwhelmed thinking maybe I have no clue what I am doing and what have I gotten myself into. Again, feeling a little defeated.

It is a beautiful day outside, and really we live in a country where we have great health care.

Arggggggg

2011-05-05T09:10:00.002-06:00

I had my first ob appointment yesterday morning. I have been seeing my family doctor til this point and have been very happy. Now I knew it wasn't going to be a cake walk since this was the same doctor I had with my last who recommended we not have anymore. He said my uterus was very thin and I would be high risk because of my chance of rupture, and my high blood pressure.

So, my blood pressure was 145/93 but I hadn't gained any weight since last appointment so I was fairly happy. The high blood pressure didn't surprise me since I have had a cold for over a week and haven't had a good nights sleep since. We were discussing my due date, and I (maybe my mistake but hey I am not stupid I still want the best for my baby) told him how with my last one he had said my uterus was thin and that I shouldn't go into labor. Well, I got the lecture of a lifetime. He asked if I was getting my tubes tied while having my elective c-section. I said I wasn't ready to do that. He went into how I could rupture and bleed out. He told me a story of a woman who made it to the hospital but died in the lobby because she was bleeding so fast. I mean I have already made the decision to have another baby. My husband and I have prayed about it and feel okay with having another baby. For goodness sakes I am 31weeks pregnant what is he thinking going on at me. I mean if he doesn't want me as a patient why doesn't he just send me to the other ob in town.

Well, I guess I have had protein in my urine for the last couple checkups (which I didn't know) and with my high blood pressure he sent me to the hospital to monitor the baby. I will do what I need to make sure baby is okay. The Non Stress Test simply monitors baby heart rate during movements. I got blood taken, and have to collect my urine for 24hrs.

I do want the best for this baby, and yes I want to be around for my kids and husband I just felt like he didn't need to go on at me like that. I have to go see him next week again, and think if he goes on at me again I may ask him if he wants to send me to the other ob instead.

note on my funny comic. How can my husband sit in a messy living room and play his video games and not even think maybe I could help out my pregnant wife by actually help around the house a little. Argggg again. Thinking I am a little peeved with men can you tell.

Good almost perfect morning recked

2011-05-01T11:06:00.003-06:00

I woke up this morning to my two adorable kids cuddling. They started to goof around and I got bumped a bunch of times then baby inside decided to join in the fun. It made me smile and get excited about having him out. Well, I was still tired since my kids both got up last night and so I sent them to watch cartoons while mommy relaxed a bit alone. I was in such a good mood to see my husband who's first day off is today and he was going to be home from work any minute. I got up and we had breakfast and I was feeling great despite the horrible sleep I got last night. Then my husband comes in with a coffee his friend bought me. Smile. I spent some quality time with him before he went to sleep. Then I relaxed had my coffee and feeling great jumped in the shower. After the shower I got my daughter dressed then started gagging. I threw up my coffee and some breakfast. It hurts across my stomach after and just leaves me feeling a bit deflated. I wish I knew what it was like to have a normal pregnancy. I mean to throw up for the first trimester then not for the rest of the pregnancy. Also, I took my blood pressure last night and it wasn't great. 140/90 So, I am not looking forward to my appointment with my ob this week. I really don't want to have to go every week.

Well, I am still feeling happy because my husband is on days off and we have some things to get done that I have been itching to do all week. (but not allowed to move heavy things or climb a ladder) Also when I feel baby moving inside I get more and more excited to meet him. To hold that little body and kiss that little head and to rub and tickle those little kicking feet. I have been blessed greatly and have to live a life of joyfulness.

My two cute kids!

30 weeks... really

2011-04-29T09:17:00.003-06:00

Yep I am pregnant. I mean I know I am the back aches, the throwing up, the heartburn are all reminders. Oh yeah and the little man inside doing the funky chicken reminds me too. But it seems almost surreal to me. I mean I could have a baby in 7 weeks. I have been telling my husband we need to start getting organized. We have most everything we need. I just need to wash everything, move the dresser into Ethan's room, set up the crib.

I have been thinking I want a cradle for the baby. My husband has already told me I can get it. I just can't decide. I had planned to set the crib up in our room but am thinking it is just to big and our room is just to small for it. I have a playpen with a bassinet top, but it isn't any thinner then the crib just shorter. Plus I like to have it out in the living room to keep tiny baby off the floor with other kids running around.
I have been sick with a cold this week and absolutely exhausted as a result. I am feeling better today so thinking I will get at the house work and if so motivated organize Ethan's room in preparation for the baby's dresser at least. I am waiting for my husband to set up my clothes line so I can wash the diapers and hang them in preparation. Then this week coming up I get to see my ob and maybe get an idea of a date for the c-section since he was the one that said I was high risk and should not go into labor.

I have to say I am getting excited about baby boy. I am starting to have the crazy baby nightmares, like I can't get to my baby to feed him, and being out somewhere and suddenly realizing he isn't there. Lol. I get woken up most mornings by tiny limbs that feel as though they are trying to escape my womb... and I can't wait to wake up to a baby face soon enough!

Determination

2011-04-19T12:42:00.002-06:00

I took these pictures of my kids at the beginning of March. They usually play so well together it warms my heart. Now they thought it was a good idea to take a sled full of snow chunks up to the playhouse. I'm not sure if this picture does it justice but these stairs are very steep. My two little people were so determined to get this up the stairs. They worked together and did it.

It made me think if my kids can show determination I can too. I have been feeling really low lately. I know I don't work outside of the home but lately I have felt so exhausted and unable to keep up with life. I keep saying how I don't know how I am going to make it to the end of this pregnancy sane. (if you know me at all you know I throw up throughout my pregnancy, yes all 9 months and it does not get better) Yet as I look at this picture of my kids 3, 5 I know I can do it. With a whole lot of determination I can keep on top of things and make it through this. As I was reminded by a mom this morning once the baby comes then the true "fun" will come. I have been really good at gaining little through this pregnancy, only 9lbs so far at 29 weeks. Also, my blood pressure was a beautiful 110/80 this doctors meeting. Things do get better even if it is only my attitude!!!

My husband's 30th birthday party

2011-03-27T16:36:00.005-06:00

My husband had a lot of fun and this makes me very happy. He does try to make me happy, and so it pleases me so much that he had such a good birthday party. You only turn 30 once. Welcome to life in the 30's, I love sharing these great years with you.
I served him his cake on my knees!
The cookie monster cake I made for my cookie monster!

The party was really fun and it was great having everyone over. Lots of friends came! Friends, and my husband's brother came from out of town for the party. It was a great time, with lots of food, some funny jokes some sketchy ones, good conversations, entertaining sumo wrestling. A fire outside, and some had cigars.

Barefoot and pregnant... actually I wear slippers

2011-03-24T19:45:00.003-06:00

Sorry I just love these comics! Now really isn't this one so true. I mean do these people who ask you how your pregnancy is going really give a shit. Probably not so I have learned to say well "okay".

On another note I am organizing a party for my husbands 30th. Last weekend I had a little party for my baby girl turning 4. Now this weekend end involves friends coming from out of town and about 20 people in my little bungalow house for an evening of fun. I have done the grocery shopping and gotten what I need for food and most of the drinks. My husband is going to the liquor store tomorrow. I am already tired and I still need to finish organizing and cleaning my house. I have baked 5 loafs of bread because I was inspired by my friend Adina. And the birthday cake is in the oven as I type. I am making my husband a cookie monster cake, because he loves cookies. lol. Today I feel like a barefoot and pregnant little house wife, doing the grocery shopping, cleaning, and baking bread. It has been a successful day considering my start to the day was rough with me throwing up and just feeling nauseous as heck.

Yet as my little guy kicks and moves it reminds me that it is all worth it. Wow I am having a baby in June. The cutest thing the other night I was singing lullabies to my two kids and baby starts kicking and moving. I stopped and he stopped I sang and he moved... sooooo sweet.

I'm sure I'll have pictures to post and funny stories to tell of this party after the weekend is over.

On a happy note spring has sprung. I just heard a bird and it wasn't a raven or magpie. Also, the snow is melting and it is warming up outside.

Wow my baby girl turned 4

2011-03-19T10:00:00.005-06:00

She came into the world via a planned c-section. And good thing because she was 9lbs 14oz. I had an emergency c-section with her brother and was planning vbac. Well God spoke into me and it was obvious during the delivery as the ob commented on how thin my uterus was and if I had gone into labor I may have ruptured.

She has grown faster then I could believe, the first year a blur. Now here I am trying to grasp that my baby is 4. Now I will have a new baby in June to cuddle and coo over. My kids are good cuddlers still. My pretty princess who loves all things girlie. I curled her hair for the occasion. And she got to wear a new dress.
I put on a girls only tea party and had four girls and three moms total. It was small and fun. My little girl is so beautiful and I can't believe how she is growing. I love her so much and am so proud of how she loves to help mommy and to learn like big brother.

Pregnancy realites

2011-03-16T10:09:00.004-06:00

Now seriously how many times have I cried this week.......
This baby sure was active last night, and yes he loves to squish my bladder with his little feet. He was doing a full body workout. That or it was party night in utero and I never got the memo. Hoping it does not foretell his sleeping habits and waking hours.
And yes bran muffins and lots of fluids have been my best friend these days. Really my bowels have been less then happy with this baby this time around. I don't remember having such issues with the other two.

Ha ha there is my pregnancy update. Some may say to much information. Yet those who know me know I just tell it how it is.

Fun over the past week

2011-03-14T12:16:00.003-06:00

This is my boy. We were trying to get a belly picture and he had to get into it. He has so much energy and I really love him. He is a very social child. We made it out to ladies bible study at my church this week. When we got there my son shakes the first lady he sees and says "I haven't seen you in a long time."
Oh my daughter. This is her dressing herself. So funny. She loves to dance and is my little princess for sure. She really wants to go to school, so she is registered for preschool. She is a whiny, strong willed child. I have to say that girls are certainly harder to raise then boys.
And have I mentioned how I love living up north. Here is a big fox(I think... he was big) that came to visit. He was walking right up the driveway. I was looking right out the side window face to face with him. It brought about praises to God for his beautiful creation. And a discussion with the children how wild animals are very dangerous and it they were outside they should come inside right away.

Fun fun week.

6 months pregnant with 3rd = huge

2011-03-12T10:16:00.002-07:00

Okay so I wasn't small to begin with. I mean I am overweight and believe it or not I have only gained 2 pounds so far. But let me tell you the body just lets go and the belly just expands with your third. I am huge. I didn't realize until this picture I got my husband to snap the other day.

I would say that being overweight takes a lot out of a pregnant woman. And am thinking if I have a fourth after this one that I will have to lose a pile of weight first. I have been working hard at not gaining a lot of weight but I think throwing up and being nauseous most days helps. I am starting to feel hungry again and am trying to snack healthy like fruit, and vegis.

Now aside from the exhaustion, hypermesis gravidarium (throwing up), and nausea this pregnancy has been better then the other two. My blood pressure has been doing good. Now when I get stressed about things it sky rockets. So, I am taking care of myself and really working to not over think things. However on my last grocery trip I felt like I was going to pass out several times. No seriously I was bent over the grocery cart taking deep breaths with my eyes shut. When I got home and got the groceries in I sat down relaxed for a bit and took my blood pressure, 144/88. Not good so I have asked my husband to take over the grocery shopping.

I'm sure if I wasn't so big I wouldn't have so many issues but I am and will work on that after baby is born.

Busy month and tired mommy

2011-03-05T17:47:00.002-07:00

Well, if you read last post it ended up that I had the flu. I was out of commission for two days and lets just say good thing my husband was home to tend to the kids and kinda tend to meals. I was really sick and barely kept anything down for two days. I am feeling better today and even cleaned my house this afternoon. My little girl got sick two but she really only threw up once and had the diarrhea for one day.

I had a prenatal appointment on Friday and was very happy with what the doctor said. My blood pressure is back to normal 120/75. And the baby was funny playing hide and seek with the heart dopler. But he is strong and kicking 150 heartrate. I can't believe I am 6 months pregnant. I am very proud to say that I have only gained 2 pounds so far. Now before anyone gets worried I am overweight and could gain as little as ten pounds. Baby is growing obvious by my protruding abdomen.

Now this is a busy month. I am planning two birthday parties. Now my daughters is going to be a small tea party for a couple friends and cousin. But my husband turns 30 and there is a big party planned. I guess I better get on some planning. I am really hoping that after this month, once I am in my third trimester that I do not get much more exhausted because these days I am tired enough. Now I know I can set my own schedule being a stay at home mom but I still get overwhelmed and cry like I did this afternoon. I really do not know how mom's that work all day and come home and deal with everything at home too. Well, I guess there is more help from the husband then. Well, I know I am blessed to have the priviledge to raise our kids, and try and remember all the blessings I have around me when overwhelmed with clutter.

Trying to be thankful for the sun shining

2011-03-02T10:07:00.003-07:00

Well, the sun is shining and I am trying to stay positive and be a thankful person. But it is hard. It has been a rough week for me throwing up more then usual and just exhausted when I take my diclectin. I took it this morning however and pretty sure I threw it up. I just took a break to go throw up my oatmeal and peppermint tea.

As I sit here with my daughter on the couch watching finding nemo together I try and find joy in these little moments to hold me through. I remember by looking at these two beautiful children that all this is worth it. It is just really tough.

I have taken to listening to spa music from my cable, or listening to my healing music. I find creating a peaceful environment helps when I am feeling so defeated. Now I do have good days. Monday I threw up but just a little and felt better and was able to go out to the library and indoor playground with the kids. Yesterday was a really good day, I didn't even throw up and was able to take the kids to a friends house to play, but I was absolutely exhausted all day. I am about 6 months pregnant and the baby is so active. This makes me smile and reminds me that he is the reason I am going through all of this. But on those really bad days his movements makes me feel even sicker. Just thinking about it, your body hurts from throwing up so strongly and you feel so nauseous and sick and then a little person is having aerobic hour in utero.

On another note I am trying to process my sons issues in school. He has been assessed as being delayed in every area which really caught me off guard. He has major sensory issues and goes to a sensory room to do some exercises before he starts class. I emailed the occupational therapist for more info on his assessment and was refereed to read two books. Sensational Kids, and The Out of Sync child. Of course we do not have them in the public library here. I have them coming in from another library but was told it could take 2-3weeks. So, I read what I can online, and do not really see him fitting into kids with sensory issues. However the teacher has said that since he started spending time in the sensory room that he is doing better in class.
So, I am trying to stay positive. I mean how can I not with such a smiley son.

Argggg

2011-02-14T12:24:00.002-07:00

So all morning I spent dialing and redialing the doctors offices. Trying to get through to my family doctor to book an appointment for March which I finally did. Then trying to get through to the obstetrician who had left a message for an appointment next week. I knew my family doctor was sending a referral over because he will be out of town for just over a month and wanted it there if anything came up and I needed to see the doctor. Well, I finally go through and canceled that appointment and booked for May. The lady at the obstetrician was concerned and wanted me to check with my family doctor to make sure I didn't need to get in earlier. Thus I resumed calling and calling to get through to my family doctor, to leave a message with a not so friendly secretary to ask the doctor if I have to go to the obstetrician or not. Arggggggg I know that my blood pressure was high (144/89)last appointment but it was situational and I was stressed from some unexpected news. I have since come to terms with it, and my blood pressure last night was fine. (124/78)

So, here is to hoping I do not have to go see the obgyn yet. The thought of it stresses me out. The office is downtown, the wait for your appointment can take hours, and I have to take my son to school and pick him up again during the week which makes getting downtown and up again in time for his school is stressful. Not to mention I would have to wait for ever with my two children 5, 3 year old. Uggg stressful again.

I can monitor my own blood pressure at home, and since this is my third baby I figure I will know if there is something wrong.

The stress of the previous week is mostly gone as I know I have friends that are all around me to support me. It still leaves a sadness in my heart, which leads to a hard protective layer building up. Let me just say I am lowering my expectations of some people, and certainly not asking them for any favors. I get this painful headache right behind my nose in the middle of my face when I think to much. So, I don't think to much. I have just come to the realization that people are selfish, and sometimes we need to just take care of ourselves.

To end on a positive the sun is shining, and it is above 0 today. My little princess and I are going to make some heart cookies for Valentines day, and maybe a big one for daddy. The joys and love of my life are my husband, daughter, son and little baby boy growing within.

Good visit

2011-02-13T15:49:00.005-07:00

Well, my awesome brother in law came up to help his brother (aka my husband) do some work on our basement renos. They got a lot accomplished. They ripped out all the insulation and framing around the foundation that was covered in black mold. (don't worry they wore the right masks for the job) They filled a dumpster with the garbage from all the destruction. They washed all the foundation with bleach to kill the black mold, they scrapped up all the carpet and backing that had been glued to the cement floor. They put all the insulation up. It was such a help to have him up, Barret couldn't of accomplished so much. As a pregnant woman I was staying away from the black mold. Now that it is gone I will be helping where I can now.
Another bonus was that I got to visit with my sister in law and sweet niece. Gen loves to bake and so we did lots of baking, and went out shopping one afternoon. We went out to ladies bible study one morning, and meet some friends at the indoor playground another afternoon. It was a good week, and I really wish we lived closer to them.

Half way there

2011-02-10T11:23:00.002-07:00

My doctor's appointment went well this morning. I really like our family doctor, and I think it helps that he is an elder in our church and just a great man. I am just about 20 weeks, or 5 months and starting to pop out now. So funny since I look at pictures of myself pregnant with my first at 5 months and didn't even look pregnant. Anyways, I got my B12 shot that I needed, and got to hear baby's heartbeat. He likes to lay on the right side, and we could clearly hear his heartbeat.

The sweetest thing was last night Barret laid right next to baby and talked to him and baby went nuts. So sweet. I am not sure if it was because Barret was so close and maybe loud to baby or if he was just excited to hear daddy, but it still makes me smile. Barret tried to feel him moving around but not quite yet. I do have a nice layer of "insulation" so he won't be able to feel baby for another month or so.

Now my blood pressure wasn't good but there have been things that are upsetting me lately so I expected it. But as the doctor said I will put it behind me. I have my cute little ones to keep me smiling, and a great husband who loves me even when I am moody... smile. And I have some great friends, so life is good. Off to pick up my awesome sister in law and sweet niece and head to the indoor playground to meet some friends.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-02-09T18:32:00.003-07:00

They keep me smiling in spite of everything else going on.

It's a boy

2011-02-07T13:56:00.003-07:00

Okay so we were going to leave the gender of the baby a secret, but I just can't do it. On Thursday when we had our ultrasound baby was laying all relax leg spread wide open. We saw it, clearly, the penis. My husband is very excited and so am I. My daughter was hoping for a girl, but seems to be happy with the fact that we are having a baby.

I have been sorting through all the baby clothes we have (hand me downs for nieces mostly). We have enough unisex stuff for baby until 6 months. Mostly thanks to my friend Monique who had lots of unisex sleepers and onesies for me. I also plan on using clothe diapers with this one, and Monique hooked me up with a pile of one size pocket diapers. Also, I knew it was a boy cause when we were in Edmonton last I bought a couple boy sleepers. Now I have two bags of girl clothes I will not need right away. So planning on giving back to sister in laws.

I am so excited to have a baby again. My youngest turns 4 in a month and I can't believe she is growing up so fast.

I have been feeling baby boy a lot lately. He is the most active, or most noticeable in the evening when I am laying in bed watching t.v. I have been feeling better some days and then vomiting and exhausted other days. I am learning to be efficient with my time on the days when I am feeling good, and to allow myself to rest on the days I feel sick.

Baby # 3

2011-02-03T11:25:00.002-07:00

I teared up and yes I had the biggest smile on my face when I got to "see" my little baby this morning. All this pregnancy sickness, aches, and tiredness are so worth it. I sit here and feel overwhelmingly blessed by this babe!

It really did look like the baby was waving and saying hi when we were looking right at it, or maybe waaaaa I don't like getting pushed around by that thing sending waves at me... ha ha I can't wait to meet and hold and kiss and love on this little baby.

I showed these ultrasound pictures to the kids and my son said awwwweee instantly, but my younger daughter didn't really grasp it, she said I can't really see the baby. lol I pointed out the head and eyes and brain and leg and arm and foot. My 5 year old son really enjoyed the pictures and my daughter looked and walked away. I am planning on bringing them to the next doctors appointment since my daughter asked to hear the baby's heartbeat.

So, even though the sun isn't shining all the much out today, the shine of love I have for this baby and my family is shining bright enough to blind all around.

Perma smile mama saying when you are down, there will be that blessings around the corner to remind you to smile!!!!

Feeling for two

2011-02-01T15:42:00.002-07:00

I found this cartoon online and love it. I have been very emotional lately. I can cry at the slightest sentimental thing. I have been feeling better lately, I guess because I have been feeling pregnant, in the sense that I feel full down there. The biggest thing is the I have been feeling the little acrobat, which is a great reminder that all the discomfort IS worth it.

I have my ultrasound on Thursday. I am very excited about it and not as nervous as I thought I was going to feel. I can't wait to see my little nudger.

I want to do a trip to Edmonton before my last trimester. I need to get a nursing bra, and maybe a couple nursing t's. We need to get an infant car seat too.

I was watching Baby Story today and of course was crying. The very interesting part is that it seemed like my almost 4year old read the title Baby story. I am not sure where she is at with reading since my focus has been my 5 year old, however I think I am going to start working on her alphabets and phonics more with her.

My big boy seems to be getting bigger everyday. Lately there has been much discussion about controlling his emotions as he seems to go to extremes in his excitement, anger, and sadness. I feel bad because I am not the best at expressing mine in a controlled way(Even before I was pregnant). So, I think this is a lesson for mommy as well. I really want to be a good example to my kids, I DO NOT believe in do as I say not as I do.

On a positive not I am 18 weeks and the research I have done says that once baby is 20 weeks there is less of a danger in relation with contracting rubella . (Since finding out I was not immune I have been anxious, especially since there was a baby with rubella in our church) We went to church this Sunday as my husband was off, and I have been considering going out to ladies bible study.

Sick with a cold and still throwing up periodically

2011-01-22T09:36:00.002-07:00

Sometimes we NEED more then just praise. Have you ever felt overwhelmed and at the end of your rope. I am exhausted my house is a disaster and I barely feel like I am keeping up. I weighed myself again and have lost 3 pounds since my last doctors appointment. I am eating really. I just am still throwing up a couple times a week, and am just feeling absolutely done with doing.

On friday I felt so sick I called one of the mom's from my son's school who had offered to drive him. I asked if she would bring him home from school for me cause I was so sick and exhausted. She said no problem. Then another mom calls from the school at noon and asks if Ethan can come play with her son all afternoon and she will drop him home after. The relief to only have one kid deal with was unbelievable. My daughter cuddled on the couch with me(probably worked to my advantage that she is sick with the cold too) watching cartoons and I had a nap.

Well, I am getting rest when I can and yes yes the mess of a kitchen will be there later for sure.

Christmas

2011-01-10T09:24:00.008-07:00

We left cookies (store bought) for Santa and eggnog. And of course a carrot for Rudolph. Now this pregnancy has been really taking a lot out of me. It has been better gernerally then the other two in the fact that I have only threw up like five times, unlike with the others it was daily. I have still been very tired and nauseous. I have also had to grow some down feathers so the water rolls off my back. I don't care if people think I am lazy they have no idea what it is like to be in my body when pregnant. All this for feeling guilty over the store bought cookies, and the m&m meals.Yet I have learned to take care of myself, no one else it going to do it.

The tree Christmas morning. The kids got a big gift each from us and a couple small ones from Santa (including stocking of course).

Little McNab third addition

2011-01-05T09:51:00.002-07:00

Well, my (at least for me) most anticipated doctor's appointment was yesterday. I was very anxious for this appointment because we were going to try and listen for the baby's heart beat. I even messed up and organized babysitting for the kids for the day before instead of Tuesday. My good friend Adina was great, understanding and flexible and still babysit for me the day after instead.

As many of you that follow my blog know that we had a miscarriage 10 months ago. It was early on and I know that it is the bodies way of dealing with something that wasn't right. Yet in light of all this knowledge it is still hard. So, with this pregnancy I haven't really let myself get excited. I mean sure it was exciting to see the pregnancy test show positive. Yet underlying there is this caution, this guard I put up in my heart not to get to excited. Since I have hit 14 weeks I have been allowing myself to get more excited. And this appointment was a major part to allowing this pregnancy be real for me.

When we got to the doctors it was really full and I was worried that my husband wasn't going to be able to stay for the appointment if we had to wait an hour because my son needed to get to school. Also, I didn't see my doctor and there was another guy there, and I thought great someone filling in for him. We did get him and I have to say I was very happy with him. I told him It was important to me to hear the baby's heartbeat because of the miscarriage. He was very nice and told me it was still early (I guess trying to prepare me if we were not able to hear the heartbeat, which made me instantly sad). Yet he did everything including try three machines on me in order to pick up the audible sound. He saw the heartbeat on the first machine, and I thought well I can take his word for it, but the underlying caution and guard on my heart was still there. My husband said he heard the heart beat for a minute. Then with the third machine he got it, an audible proof that I had a living baby inside of me. The proof I needed to let down my guard and to get excited and to love this baby. I measure at 14 weeks, my blood pressure even after all that was still 118 over 76. And I had lost.6 lbs since the last week. I say a great doctors appointment. Oh yeah it was 135 rate, and some would say this makes it a boy????

Now my next appointment is the ultrasound. Maybe the most feared in a way since that is where I learned that I had an empty womb from the miscarriage. I know that I will have the support of my husband and a God who can calm my soul with his peace that passes all understanding.

Christmas is coming

2010-12-20T15:42:00.004-07:00

Right now I am listening to "Christmas ain't Christmas without the one you love" and am missing my family in Ontario. I know we have lots of family up here it is just hardest when you don't get to see some family for so long and this time of year makes me think of all the Christmas I have been away from my side of the family. We are really thinking about going to Ontario next Christmas. We will have a little new baby then and it will be very special.

This year will be nice and there will be a couple days filled with my husbands family. I am in my 12 week and am still feeling tired, emotional and nauseous, so not sure how much I will want to be around crowds of people. I am really looking forward to seeing my niece Maddie and hanging out with my brother in law and sister in law that we don't get to see enough of. My son is really excited about getting to play with his cousin Nate. My daughter is so excited for Auntie Sharolyn and Uncle Tim to come. I am really looking forward to having my husband off. And in January, in my second trimester having energy and helping him move forward in the basement.

Through all this we talk daily about Christmas, and baby Jesus. The joy of the season is in that blessing, all we have to do is receive this gift.

I know I have been blessed far beyond.

Tired, nauseos, and browsing internet alot

2010-12-05T20:14:00.010-07:00

So, since I have been extremely tired lately I have been browsing the web a lot. I have been thinking of starting a crib quilt for this one since I have always made a blanket for my babies. I crocheted the first two blankets but with this one I wanted to try something different.

I am not really planning at starting it until the new year and when we are past the danger of miscarriage time. I know that I will be extremely relieved when I get to hear this baby's heart beat. However I have looking at material and dreaming up the quilt.

Which ones do you like?

We are going gender neutral because we are letting this one be a surprise.

Lots happening over the last month!!!

2010-11-25T09:37:00.007-07:00

Halloween. My mini mouse, and Iron man (I wanted my son to be mickey but daddy had a different idea)My son designed his very own pumpkin this year. It is Mario can you see it? My daughter and mommy did hers. The kids ended up trick or treating in Saskatchewan, since we were there for my husband's grandfathers funeral.
So, I have had some horrible morning and evening nausea, keeping us at home most days (so far not as bad as with the other 2 where I threw up for 9 months). The kids have been entertaining themselves. Ha ha ha my kids are hilarious.
And they are not always fighting. I took a picture for proof. I came out one morning and found them like this watching cartoons. We do put the heat down at night and it is chilly. Note thought that my daughter is already dressed.

Also, I took my daughter and went to the big city with a good friend and her kids. It was great spending time with her, and I think she took care of me and my kid more then I helped her with hers. I was feeling tired and sick (nausea). So glad to have her in my life, a good friend.

Pregnancy symptoms

2010-11-13T09:17:00.002-07:00

So far so good. The only real thing is that I am hungry more often. I have had some nausea but it has been cured with having a bite of food or by drinking some gingerale for the severe moments. The one symptom I do not rememember having with my other two is getting light head. I mean I feel like I could faint almost. I guess this is okay because both my kids are older. It is not like I will be walking around carry a baby and fainting, When I told my husband about it he thought high blood pressure. I will ask the doctor next week about it. What are you thoughts?

We're pregnant

2010-11-12T09:09:00.002-07:00

So, my husband posted this on facebook so it is officially out there. I can post on it. This is his way of telling everyone.

So, we were away to his grandfathers funeral and I was late. I was exhausted, but after a miscarriage and months (11) of trying I didn't get my hopes up. I mean I know that I have been so blessed with my two beautiful children already. Yet after trying for a while and feeling like maybe we would not be able to have more I was getting really down about it. So, let me tell you I was so excited to have my two lines on the test!!! We had said that we were not going to tell anyone for 3months since we had before then had a miscarriage. Yeah right we are far to excited to not share this exciting news.

So, far things are going well. Sure I am exhausted and go to bed at 9 everynight (ready at 7 most nights). I am hungry yet I am only eating a bite, just to satisfy the hunger. I did have my first food craving it was fresh made guacamole with lots of garlic. Ha ha that makes me think of my sister in law Genevieve. She provided me with my guacamole fix. And yes since we did the test at their house, Ben and Gen were the first to find out about the two lines!!!

We are 6 weeks, making the little one due July 6. I will be having a planned c-section since my first was an emergency one and with the second we ended up with a c-section again and the obgyn said that my uterus was thin, so no going into labor for me. So looking at having the baby at the end of June most likely.

YEAH

October? um I mean November..

2010-11-09T21:24:00.002-07:00

Crazy how the last two weeks have felt like a whirl wind to me. Things have been busy and eventful. Yet through it all I have seen God's hand!

I haven't posted in a while. I don't have much to say right now. We were unable to eat as we wished as much while away. However I am still hopeful in moving toward a family who views food as nourishment not entertainment. I mean you should still enjoy what you eat but that shouldn't be the only principles to eating. So, let me tell you I have been loving the avocados lately. I don't eating it straight only made into guacamole with lots of garlic and a dash of lemon.

My husband's grandfather passed away over a week ago. He was given a month in August, he had cancer. We were able to go down then and spend some time with him. Now this trip for the funeral was a great time with family. The funeral was beautiful with the message of a man of godly character. Grandma sat there singing the hymns showing how beautiful and full of God's peace. It was such a great celebration of his life.

Now getting back into being home, and life.

Still losing

2010-10-25T18:33:00.003-06:00

Aww I love watching that number go down. I lost 2 pounds again this week. I will be happy with my steady two pounds. My husband lost 9 pounds. This eating raw, and more health conscientious is a huge change for him so that is to be expected I say. (just sucks for me, wish I lost 9 pounds)

I also am liking trying "new" foods, and making them a staple in our house. I am proud of myself/ er I mean proud of my kids trying new things.

Supper tonight was different. I made crack pepper coated salmon which was a frozen blue menu item (super easy to make), mixed greens, with tomatoe and pumpkin seeds, and homemade wholewheat chips with guacamole (I put in lots of garlic since I love garlic), and salsa. My 3 year old did try everything but didn't eat it all (not unusual since she barely eats lately), and my 5 year old son cleared his plate. Yeah!

I do need to step it up with the exercise and I know that.

Daddys girl

2010-10-21T12:36:00.002-06:00

Having a cuddle on daddy. My little girl loves her daddy so much. She misses him so much when he is working. I think that has been hard on her this week. I don't really know why she has been the terror she has been this week but I hope that a couple hours today and Saturday with daddy with revive her sweet nature. I know he needs to work overtime to pay down some dept however I miss a little support and maybe reprieve I get from dealing with the kids when he is home.

Oh my daugther

2010-10-20T09:46:00.002-06:00

So right now my daughter hates her bed. I mean really she is the only one in the house who has a brand new bed and she hates sleeping in it. My son's bed was bought second hand and our mattress is on the floor. Why is it that the only new bed in the house isn't even being slept in. She is sleeping on the floor. Here she is half in half out the bed sleeping away.

Hopefully she gets over this fast. I have to tell you I am seriously thinking about selling this thing. It takes up a lot of room too.

Why is bed time such a fight with my daughter? We do the whole bedtime routine, bath, story bed. I have a music player in there with classical baby sleep cd. I have a flower night light in there. She has her favorite blanket bebe. What else can I do for her? Do I make bedtime later for her since she doesn't usually go to sleep untill 8:30.

Weigh in

2010-10-20T09:39:00.002-06:00

So, I weighed myself after breakfast on Monday and was shocked to have gained a pound... since this was my best week. However I did note that I usually weigh first thing in the morning. So I re weighed on Tuesday and was actually down 2.4 pounds from previous week. yeah!!!!!

Things are going great. We have been incorporating sprouts into our salads. I have been working at drinking green tea everyday too.

Usual day is Shake with vega for breakfast, greens sprouts, seeds for lunch and then supper could be just about anything healthy (ground chicken in tomato sauce with whole wheat pasta, or scrambled eggs with red peppers and sausage, and a big salad)

Eating this week

2010-10-14T19:23:00.002-06:00

So, I am not counting calories anymore. I am still watching the quantity of the food I am eating. My husband is on board now and I feel like I have found a new sense of hope. Hope not only for weight loss but also for a healthy lifestyle overhaul.

This week has all been good. Today is just like what I have done all week.

Breakfast: Banana, peach, blackberry, strawberry, flax seed oil, water, Vega, smoothie

Snack: Coffee with sweetened creamer (social drink at ladies bible study)

Lunch: Spinach, tomatoes, orange/yellow peppers, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, walnuts, feta cheese, Greek dressing

Supper: Honey garlic soy sauce marinaded grilled chicken, grilled sweet potato with honey and butter, wild rice (mine had a shot of hot sauce)

Yep that is it. I wasn't hungry at all today. I have been thirsty, and know I have not drank enough water. Busy day. Got storage room cleaned out and organized. Kids playroom organized.

No "exercise" today, but I have decided to do it when I can, and not get down about not doing it. Also, as long as I am still losing weight I am focusing more on what I am taking it then exercise. However once I plateau in the weight loss I will then step it up in the exercising.

What foods have you eaten today that were in the raw form? (not processed before you started to cook it...)

Thanksgiving and eating

2010-10-13T08:39:00.002-06:00

Well, my weigh in on Monday I was down 2 and a half pounds. So, I know I did good over the weekend of hard choices. I always hear excuses for eating poorly that it is Thanksgiving I am not going to worry about it. Well, we don't stop showering because it is a holiday, and we don't stop taking care of our kids or disciplining them so why stop eating healthy. I did eat turkey, gravy, mashed potatoes, stuffing, but I also made sure I had lots of vegitables and that the food was in moderation. Also for the other meals in the day I made sure it was mostly vegitables. I had brocolli soup the one lunch and bean salad the next lunch. Of course I had my vega and smoothie as well. I do believe we should allow ourselves a treat every once in a while. But when making a food lifestyle change it has to be consistent.

So, I think the loss shows that I am doing good with this Thanksgiving. Also, it probably helped that I am not drinking alchohal at all. I am simply giving it up as a move to be more healthy in the quest it seems we have set on to expand our family.

So here is to weight loss, lifestyle changes and getting knocked up!!!!

Nutrients are important not calories

2010-10-09T09:14:00.002-06:00

I just watched my most recent Thrive in 30 newsletter: Nutrient Density and High Net-Gain Nutrition. (http://thrivein30.com/lessons/lesson-2_nutrient-density-and-high-net-gain-nutrition/) Now this guy is right on. I have known it for a while that processed foods are stripped of the nutrients our bodies need. However how he explained the process in the form of energy our bodies have to spend digesting and getting whatever nutrients are in these processed foods really gave me the light bulb effect. He really spoke to me that it is not about the calories, but about the nutrients of the foods we eat, and how easily our bodies digest it. If our bodies are not spending all their energy digesting poor nutritional food we would have more energy. Hmmm what does that me to me. Well I will not need that second cup of coffee and even eventually will not need the first. Also, he pointed out that the problem with obesity in our society is that we are eating food lacking in the nutrients our bodies need. So, our bodies are still sending the hunger signal. We are an overfeed yet under nourished nation. I see this in my life as an obese woman who has hormonal issues and needs a shot of B12 every month.

So, I think this is great info today. This is life changing yet I know a lifestyle and full mental overhaul is needed. How does one do this? I really like how he explained the change. He said start by introducing the nutrient rich foods (leafy greens, blueberries, kale, cucumbers, tomatoes, fresh herbs, etc..) then as you are eating more and more of these raw nutrient rich foods you will not have room for the processed foods. I am in for the process of change, more energy and a healthy body.

What does this change look like? I will no longer be fooled into buying those 100 calories snacks that are empty calories. I will try more and different produce. I will make sure my kids are eating fruits and vegetables.

Wed. Thursday Food

2010-10-07T19:35:00.003-06:00

My friend keeps helping me remember that it is not all about the calories. So I am remembering to eat some raw healthy food. I am aiming to eat more fruits and veg. I am still counting calories because I need to see how many calories I am eating because I know that I eat to much, like second helpings or no portion control.

Wed.

Breakfast. Vega 120cal blueberries 80cal yogurt 35cal smoothie, Roobuis Tea

Lunch. 2Rice cakes 90cal, tuna with light mayo 90cal and pickles, romaine, cucumbers, sprouts 20cal, thousand island 40cal, water

snack tassimo skinny latte 40cal, Special K bar 100cal. water

Supper. Roasted chicken sub, with cucumbers lettuce, pickles, green peppers 620cal, water subway 2cookie 420 cal... ugggg seriously???

snack. Cheese popcorn 250cal. special k bar 100cal.

2005 calories.... I see I didn't make the right decisions with the cookies, maybe should of gotten a salad from subway instead... popcorn not a good idea..

Thursday

being lazy

Breakfast Tim Horton's English toffee 220cal , egg sausage wrap 360cal

Lunch. Salad with sprouts, cucumber, tomatoes, feta dressing 50cal Yummy crackers 50cal. Spinach artichoke dip 40cal. water, smoothie 80cal. (guessing)

Supper. Cannelloni stuffed with cottage cheese, carrots, onion, red pepper in pasta sauce 300cal. water

snack Special K bar 100cal. soothing tea

1150 calories

counting...

2010-10-05T20:21:00.003-06:00

I know it is about more then calories but I am working to that.

Breakfast. 2Whole wheat Pancake chocolate chips 200cal. berries 30cal. Coffee milk, stevia 20cal.

snack. Yogurt 30cal.

Lunch. turkey bacon lettuce tomato whole wheat sandwich 440Cal. coffee, milk and sweetner 60cal.

snack. Half everything bagel and cream cheese 200cal.

Supper. Beef., brocolli, sprouts, celery, onion, rice 450cal. Skinny latte 60cal.

snack cheese popcorn 280cal. diet root beer

1780 calories....

exercise was grocery shopping, cleaning out pantry, and washing truck...

Healthy eating,Conflicting information, always learning

2010-10-05T16:38:00.003-06:00

So, I am really getting serious about being healthy not only to loss weight but for the whole family. I was doing well with healthy snacks for the kids until my oldest started kindergarten. Now I look in my pantry and see lots of "processed" snacks. (you know gold fish, fruit leather, pretzels, granola bars) As I write that it doesn't seem all that bad but fresh fruit and veg's are what they were usually getting. I am thinking of doing a overhaul of my pantry and fridge. For my family and For me!

I am obese by my BMI and need to get serious. But also we have been trying for 9 months to get pregnant and it is not happening. I was in the health food store today and the girl said I look horrible (umm thanks), she said I looked hormonally imbalanced. This is not the first time I have heard this. Okay I feel like I am talking in circles So, I was talking to a friend of mine who is very health conscious and who husband is very educated and smart in healthy eating. All that to say thet she recommended Vega. I always eat up what she says about health products. I checked out the Thrive in web site and even signed up for his (the creator of Vega) information on eating whole foods and our health. I went and got me some Vega to mix in smoothies. I checked out his suggest meal plans... hmmm tofu (oh he is a vegan by the way). I am not a huge fan of tofu and have been hearing some bad stuff about soy lately. (how it is a re engineered food) So, I am not planning on going vegan anytime soon, but am opening to changing some of the food I eat. I have read lots of how foods I am sensitive can affect my body. I am constantly learning about this.

I will really focus on foods that make me feel bad. (tired, sluggish) Like for example I had a Tim Hortons coffee today and was on the toilet with the runs not that long after, my usual response yet I keep drinking it... why? I know things and need to apply these things. So, this blog is going to be a journal I think of my progress, and digress.... what I learn of myself.

Also bummer for outdoor walking is that there is a problem bear in the area. (there is a trap set up around the corner) No walking my son to and back from school.
Gotta get on the treadmill.

Monday

2010-10-04T20:06:00.002-06:00

No loss but no gain. I know I did not have a great previous week. Let just say it was my time of the month and that usually means I am hungry. But the no gain is really good in my opinion.

Today

Breakfast. Peanut butter 1ooCal. and honey 60cal. 2 toast 140cal Coffee 5cal, lactaid milk 10cal and sugar 30Cal.

Lunch. 2xPlain hot dogs 240cal. grapes 30cal. diet sparkling green tea 5cal.

snack. boston cream donut 250Cal. English Toffee 300cal.

Supper. Chicken, sweet potato, red peppers, ginger, garlic, couscous. 531Cal. half roll 100cal. diet cream soda

snack. reece bar 100cal.

1901 calories eaten. I know I didn't make the best decision for lunch or snacks. I also didn't walk today but wise decision because there is a bear trap around the corner. Means we have a problem bear in the area. I was out at friends most of afternoon and evening, so no exercise video either.

Wieght loss

2010-10-02T20:09:00.002-06:00

I know I am a lot late on this post. On my weigh in on Monday I had lost 1.5 pounds. I know I have not been great on posting but I promise to start posting again regularly on monday. I have had a hard emotional week and think there will not be a loss this Monday. But well just have to wait and see.

Uggggg

2010-09-29T22:18:00.002-06:00

The word, if it is a word, ugggg describes me right now. I know I haven't been posting my calories for a couple days now, but I am still trying to keep my eating down. Emotional days = poor food choices.

I have been feeling overwhelmed in this not getting pregnant thing. I am okay and do not really think to much of it during the month, then the days before my period I go overthinking everything. All that to say that I was late 4 days and was actually getting this tinge of hope, only to discover I have finally got my period. (Note to self: recalculate cycle days now) I know we have only been trying for 9 months now. My parents tried for 5 years before adopting my brother and then got pregnant with my sister and then with me a couple years later. I try to focus on all the positives, on the blessings. I see my beautiful babies and feel overwhelmed with love for them and gratefulness for the honor of being their mommy. I guess I just have this longing to have a baby in these arms again, nursing, growing and discovering life. I love being a mom, I love babies.... even as I write this I am tearing up at the thought of not having anymore babies.

The pain within I do not know
I wish in me new life would grow.
I hold and love these two each day,
I've been blessed I can say.

Yet as my heart and arms do long,
to hold a babe and sing a song.
Just me my heart and soul I share,
of other things I wish I could care.

I sit and wonder wonder if,
am I greedy for another gift.
I Am thankful for ALL I've been given
should I be content should I just get liven.

Who understands my feelings so,
my love seems to busy on the go.
So I feel alone in this strife,
yet I know I have such a blessed life.

Just thoughts.......

family too

2010-09-26T16:18:00.003-06:00

Had a great visit with the in-laws today. The kids get lots of hugs and treats, and I get coffee and good catch up. It was really good for me today since I have been feeling down and lonely lately. I was reminded of some great people in my life that are my family too!!! I have really been missing my family back in Ontario. I really do love my mother and father in law. They are a great couple, great parents, and great/awesome grandparents. We are really blessed to have them up here with us.

Here is my daughter with her grandpa this summer. They were playing with grandma's wind chimes. Actually as I think of it Grandpa was the first one after mommy and daddy to see Kyla when she was born. So special to have them here.

Bad day...busy day.... not even thinking calories today

2010-09-24T09:57:00.002-06:00

Breakfast. bagel and cream cheese 290Cal. Coffee with french vanilla creamer 70Cal. crystal light 5 Cal.

Lunch. Chicken burger with lettuce and mayo sauce 320Cal. Salad 30Cal. with balsamic vinegarette 130Cal. Ate some of the kids fries bite of burger 320Cal. Diet Root beer 2 Cal.

Snack. smart popcorn 100Cal. 1/2 dark chocolate bar 180Cal. Crystal light 5Cal.

Supper. Turkey sandwich 200Cal. with cheese 100Cal. light mayo 40Cal.

Snack Cheese popcorn 300Cal.

Ate 2092 Calories! I will exercise tomorrow.

Mid week ahhhhs

2010-09-22T17:54:00.002-06:00

Food.

Breakfast. Cheerio crunch 120Cal. Soy milk 30Cal. Decaf. stevia and milk 20Cal.

Lunch. Turkey soup(Turkey, mushroom, portabella, carrots, celery, onion, garlic, thyme pepper basil salt) 250Cal 2 cheese biscuits 124Cal. Crystal light 5Cal

Snack smart popcorn 100Cal. Water Green tea and stevia 5Cal.

Supper. Quarter Pounder with Cheese 430Cal. Side caesar 370Cal. Diet coke 1Cal. some of kids fries 150Cal.

Calories 1505

Again no exercise...

A good day considering how emotional I have been

2010-09-21T18:57:00.003-06:00

Breakfast. Everything Bagel 250Cal Egg 100Cal. Light cream cheese 40Cal. Ice Tea Crystal light 3Cal.

Lunch. Whole wheat bread 140Cal. Turkey roasted 100Cal. Light Mayo 40Cal. Water

Supper. Roasted Chicken sub. with Light mayo, lettuce, tomatoe, cucumber, pickles, olives, green peppers. 640Cal. Ice tea crystal light 3Cal. Chocolate chip cookie 210 Cal.

Snack. Pretzels 90Cal. Bengal herbal tea with stevia 5Cal

1621 Calories

A little sad today

2010-09-21T09:48:00.002-06:00

2006. The last Christmas we spent with my family. We have been to visit a couple times since then but it still brings a tear to my eye.

There are lots of get together's with my husband's family since they all live within 5hours. Also, we have had lots of visits with his mother's family in Saskatchewan.

I guess I am just missing my family. They are far away and we would have to fly to go visit, and for four people to fly it is expensive. My Nana, my last living grandparent is getting close to dying. She had a major stroke about ten years ago, and they figure she has been having mini strokes. She is very depressed because she is losing all control of her functions. She keeps saying she wishes she was already dead. It makes me cry. It makes me long to be closer, to go visit, to have the kids brighten her day. She has always been in our lives. I remember her driving us to school and taking care of us sometimes growing up. When I would come home in the summer from College I would always spend time at Nana and Papa's doing what I could around the apartment to help, or to run to the grocery store for them. I remember visiting and Papa sharing his worthers out of the crystal bowl. It is sad to be so far away.

I miss my nieces and nephews. I know if we were there we would see them often and I could help out with them whenever my sister or sister in law needed it. To feel connected to family would be nice. To feel like I was a part of my nieces and nephews lives would be nice. So here we are up here... not alone but sure feel alone.

Down yeah

2010-09-20T20:17:00.002-06:00

So, I weighed and am down 2.1pounds. Yeah! Slow and steady, I will be happy with this. This is a lifestyle change. For me it is not a huge change of the types of food eaten but it is quantity restricted. Also, I am planning exercise and activity. I know I need to step it up. This weeks goal is to go on the treadmill.

Food.

Breakfast. 2Waffles 250Cal. 1/2c. berries 40Cal. Coffee and milk and stevia 20Cal.Water

Lunch. Whole wheat bread 140Cal. Turkey roasted 100Cal. Light Mayo 40Cal.

Snack. Eat right Popcorn 120Cal. Diet Root beer

Supper. Beef Ravioli 600Cal. Homemade spinach, mushroom, garlic tomato sauce 40Cal. Water

To me this was a yummy eating day!! No exercise per say but I did clean house today.

Calories consumed 1350

Turkey soup kind of lazy day

2010-09-19T18:31:00.005-06:00

Well, it is Sunday and we should of gone to church. But I am feeling lonely and did not feel like going to church and possibly feeling even lonelier. You know when you are already a little low and then you go and no one really talks to you or seems to have a minute to say hi. That is just how I was feeling.

So today was a very lazy casual day. I watched my beloved Corination street, made turkey soup went for a walk with the kiddies ridding there bikes, put out our scarecrow family and sat in the warm sun and read.

Food

Breakfast. Muesli 190Cal. Soy milk 40Cal. Green Tea Kabucha and stevia 5Cal.

Lunch. Wholewheat bread 140Cal. Turkey slices 80Cal. Cheese slice 40Cal. pickle, lettuce, olives Crystal light 5Cal. stole teaspoon of kids chocolate pudding 20Cal.?

Walked with kids 30min. Not very fast... out and about no less.

Snack. Diet Root Beer Cheese popcorn 300Cal.

Supper. Turkey, mushroom, portabella, carrots, celery, onion, garlic, thyme pepper basil salt 250Cal.? 3 cheese biscuits... not sure calories. 62C al each =186Cal. (guessing what this meal is)

Treat for a well spent week. Fruit and nut dark chocolate bar. 520Cal.

1776 Calories

Saturday..garage sales and gardens

2010-09-18T20:58:00.002-06:00

I started my morning off in relax mode since the kiddies had a sleep over with Grandma and Grandpa. I got a full night sleep first in over a week. I got to sleep in a little: untill 8:30 when I woke up. I got up had my smoothie, went on the computer and then went and had a very peaceful shower(no three year old girl banging on the door, coming in and out or whining to come in shower).

I went and got the kids and my little girl was so happy to see me. Now my son on the other hand was not and wanted to have another sleep over at Grandma's. I am not liking this independence space thing going on with my five year old. However I want to allow him space to become his own person. If anyone has any tips on how to encourage positive independence in five year old boys I'd love to hear them.

Anyways picked up the kids and went and checked out a yard sale/fundraiser at local church. I thought of all the stuff I could sell. Which got me thinking of my messy basement. No no yard must be cleaned up today.

Food

Breakfast. Water, Smoothie: Peanut Butter 70Cal. Banana 80Cal. Strawberries 40Cal. Soy milk 40Cal

snack. Coffee + splenda 2Cal. Cream 22Cal.

Lunch. Water, 2 chicken strips 220Cal. Brocolli, green peppers, cucumber, tsp ranch 40Cal.

Gardened, and cleaned up back yard. 3hrs

Snack Slimfast bar 100Cal. Water, Underway drink 20Cal

Supper. Turkey 356Cal. Spinach Salad 7cal. with 3cheese ranch 80Cal.

Snack. Diet Root Beer, Cheese popcorn 250Cal

Calories consumed 1327

Friday and a date with my hubby

2010-09-17T21:03:00.002-06:00

I know I know it is not a great picture of us... but it is hard to find a good recent one of us. Well, this was in the summer when we were camping and boating with a friend of hubby's.

Well we got to go out on a hot date tonight since Grandma and Grandpa took the little ones. So my calorie intake was more today.

Breakfast. Raisin bran 180Cal. Soy milk 20Cal. TH coffee 1% and splenda 100Cal. Water

Lunch. 3slices of turkey 80Cal. Cucumbers, celery, green peppers 30Cal. Greek dressing 90Cal. Water

Snack. Thinsation's chocolate pretzels 100Cal. Water

Supper. Appetizer-Feta and Spinach dip 320Cal. Blacken Cajun chicken breast 540Cal. Warm potato salad 431Cal. coleslaw 300Cal. diet coke

Calories consumed 2191.

This is okay since I have been so good all week and these were not all bad empty calories. I had a treat in the appetizer and potatoes for sure.

Busy day...

2010-09-16T23:21:00.002-06:00

Thursday

Breakfast. Muesli and soy 'milk' 200Cal, Green Tea
Off to ladies bible study
Snack. Oatmeal smartway 'cookie' 100Cal. Water
Lunch. Out with hubby and daughter. Stromboli with salad 620 Cal. Diet Pepsi (not good I am trying to avoid pop all together)
Did some running around
Home getting things done around house
Drive and go get Ethan (snowing and cold out)
Supper. Spinach feta pocket 260Cal. Banana 80Cal.
Snack. Chamomile tea, 8Rice crackers 60Cal. pickle and some jalapeno peppers
Water and vitamin

1320 Calories consumed. I am really enjoying my tea and stevia. Going to avoid coffee and pops as well as fruit juice. I am going to try and eat some more fruit. Maybe pick up some protein powder for my morning smoothies.

I am doing this and it is not hard. I think making myself stop and think about how this food adds up (calorie wise) helps me decide if the food is really worth eating. I am not hungry, and am feeling good. Today was a busy day for me and I still ate very well. Now exercise isn't happening everyday, but every other day is good for me right now. I am sitting her smiling right now... not dreading and worrying about keeping on track. I CAN do this!

Good Exercise day!

2010-09-15T19:50:00.003-06:00

Breakfast. Smoothie Blueberry 80Cal. Soy Milk 40Cal. Activia yogurt 100Cal.

9am. Dancing with the Stars DVD. Warmup Paso Doble Cha Cha and Cool down 40min.
Water
Snack. Underway beverage 20Cal

11am Walked Ethan to school and walked back 40min.

Lunch Knorr Red Soup 120Cal. 8 Rice crackers 40 Cal. Water

Snack. Slimfast bar 100Cal. Water

Supper. Beef soup 300Cal. Garlic bread 340Cal. Crystal light 5Cal.

Snack Thinsations 100Cal. Soy Hot chocolate 140Cal.
Total Calories 1395

Day 2

2010-09-14T20:32:00.001-06:00

I am aiming to eat about 1500 Calories a day in order to lose weight.

Breakfast. Everything bagel 250Cal. Becil Olive Oil Magarine 70Cal. Scrambled Egg 80Cal. Chai tea 80Cal

Snack. Oatmeal square 105Cal. Crystal light 5Cal

Lunch. Spinach feta pocket 260Cal. Crystal light 5Cal

Supper. Water, Roasted Chicken Sub with cucumbers, green peppers, banna peppers, olives, pickles on whole wheat 620Cal

1578 Calories eaten. I felt good today apart from the exhaustion from the restless night. Both kids were up last night several times, and I just didn't sleep good. Tonight I am thinking about eating but am listening to my body. I am not hungry I think it is just a habit formed to snack in the evening. I was chewing on my pen minutes ago, which I rarely do. I am going to grab a glass of water and go to bed soon too. I have read that the amount of sleep you get makes a difference on weight loss.

School IS going GOOD

2010-09-13T20:03:00.002-06:00

Ethan is doing good in school now, well that is what I am told. I feel so out of touch... my kid is in school now. He is happy to run in and is happy when I come get him. When I brought him to school he found a little girl from his class to walk with down the sidewalk and into the school. He is a very outgoing little guy so I knew he wouldn't have any problems making friends. I just hope he can build some friendships this year. Today he got to take home a letter from Elvis (class Elephant).

I am sooo proud of my big boy

Day 1 of many days striving for weight loss

2010-09-13T19:37:00.001-06:00

Here is what I ate
(My day was a little thrown off by my husband this morning, so not as much exercise as planned happened)

Breakfast. Pumpkin spice Non Fat Latte 288 Cal, 2 Oatmeal squares 210Cal.Water

Exercise. 20min. Dancing with the stars Pasa Doblo

Snack. Acai-Pomegranate Under Way drink 20Cal.

Lunch. SmartWay Chicken noodle soup 180Cal. Water

Snack. Oatmeal square 105Cal. Water

Supper. Chicken Breast 110 Cal. Steamed brocolli 77Cal. Salad with carrot, green pepper, sunflower seeds 40Cal dressing 60Cal

Total Calories consumed 1102Calories

So, I was going to do the "cookie" diet this week, however after today and my lack of energy I am going to alter the plan for me. I won this smartforlife plan with food like the "cookie diet ie oatmeal squares, chocolatchip cookie, cupcakes, and a smartforlife shake,soup, cereal, as well as under way drinks. (from Mom Central http://www.momcentral.com/) I plan to continue to use these tools to lose weight, however I plan to eat more real food. I am going to aim to eat 1500 to 2000 calories in a day.

Seriously??? This is what I look like

2010-09-11T20:37:00.002-06:00

Okay so here is a picture of me a friend took at her kids birthday party about a week ago. I could not believe it was me... I mean really I knew I was fat but I had to look at my face closer to really grasp that this was me.

I know that I am obese because that what my BMI says but I never really could see how big... no fat I am.

So, on this note as I have blogged before I am on the mission to loss weight. I had started back in February only to have miscarriage in April. I found my self in a dark place and when emotions are messed I eat. I actually know I have put on weight over the summer because some of my jeans will not fit me.

All this to say I am committing to exercising and eating healthy. I WILL lose this weight!

I ask all you to pray for and with me. I ask you to keep me accountable. I am going to post on here what I eat and how much I exercise.

The first day of kindergarten

2010-09-07T15:38:00.001-06:00

Well, my big boy was all ready to go to school. He was excited (HYPER) all morning about starting school. I explained to him that he was going to school for the afternoon and that mommy would come get him at 3. I had talked to him about stranger danger, and how he was to listen to his teacher. We got to the school and he was so excited to find his name for where his boots went, then to find the hook for his coat and backpack. He put on his new indoor shoes and as soon as the teacher came he was the first one in the door. He picked his name tag out right away and I was a beaming proud mommy as I told him I was going and he waved and said bye.

Then I went back to pick him up. I figured he wouldn't want to leave so I tried to be almost the last person to pick him up. He was crying and looking so TIRED and upset. It broke my heart. The teacher asked me to come in and wait a minute. He told me he wanted to stay there forever, at which I reminded him that he only stayed for the afternoon then got to come back tommorow afternoon. He was just so tired looking. I wanted to pick him up and carry him out of that classroom never to return. Well, I didn't. I waited to listen to the teacher. She said he was really upset since circle time when he didn't want to sit and listen. Uh oh. I told her that he was tired and that is why I had put him in the morning class in the first place (maybe a little snotty, I agreed to switch to the afternoon since I am flexible as a stay at home mom), to which she replied that he just needs to get used to going to school and this new schedule. Yes I said, she is the teacher and all and deals with kids starting kindergarten all the time. I talked to him in the truck and told him that he was to listen to his teacher and sit nice and listen at circle time. He is going to bed early tonight for not listening to his teacher (which is a big deal because I am babysitting his friend tonight).

So, here is to hoping that tomorrow goes better. Now my daughter and I had a great time getting her some new clothes (much needed) thanks to Grandma and Grandpa Rice. And we had a tea party with the lacy tea pot and berry herbal tea.

Life Plans

2010-09-04T20:23:00.003-06:00

Wow, so my oldest starts kindergarten this week. Wow, I am old. I mean really. There was this status of an old friend of mine from College that said, "Do you have a life plan or goal?" I giggled at it as I think back over the last 10-14 years of my life. I told her that I have been flying by the seat of my pants since I meet her (being since in College). Plans are nice to make but life sometimes gets in the way.

Thinking back when I was a teenager, um 14 years ago that is.... I got the fire of God in me at 17 that I was going to Bible college to become a youth pastor. I did go to Bible college, and I did get my youth pastors BRE- youth emphasis. However my internship happened in a church and I was somewhat directed by God or man (not sure still) that the church was not where I wanted to gain full time employment. Also, on this internship I had decided that I was going to go into the field of Psychology where I could understand developmental and emotional issues of this flawed humanity. I wanted to and still want to do something in the area of 'counseling'. I don't know? one flawed human trying to help another flawed human through this life we are given appeals so much to me. Well, I planned to finish my BRE then go on to University and do my Masters in Psych. Then I meet this boy, who was becoming a man and who this girl feel in love with. This was not in my plans in the least. I went back and finished my last year of school after which we got married(we dated 2year). I worked as a youth worker at a group home, but never truly felt equipped to 'help' those troubled kids. We had decided to wait 5 years before we had kids however the maternal hormone was kicking in and we only lasted 2. Thus our son came to join us and I haven't worked since.

Now I never really had any plans of when I would get married or how many kids I wanted until I feel in love and did get married. Then I was 24 and wanted to have 4 kids and have them before I was thirty... now that has not happened. When our little boy was 11 months old we found out we were pregnant. We were trying but it happened fast. Our little girl threw a curve ball into my 4 before thirty plan and maybe my four completely. The obstetrician was extremely concerned while performing my little girls c-section, that my uterus was very thin. He scarred the whits out of my husband saying that it would be high risk to have more. We had been trying to come to grips with it for the last 3 years then my husband was schedule for the big snip job. Then all these things were telling me, or so it seemed, I wasn't done. We prayed about it, argued about it and finally choose to get a second opinion doctor wise. We got some good advice both spiritually and medically and choose to try for more. We started trying in December 2009, we lost a baby at 9 weeks in April. We are still trying but every monthly period brings tears for me.

Okay this is getting long. So, all this to say that sometimes life gets in the way of the best laid plans. I know that I have a God that works all things for the good for those who believe in him. I know that God's perspective is best. I look at life with my husband, my love and my children produced from the overflow of this love and think I like God's plans best. It doesn't mean that losing a baby wasn't hard, it just means I trust God who has my good in mind. It doesn't mean I don't think about that University degree I never got. I see how I am blessed to be a mom, to be blessed with the honor of staying home and raising my kids. I have been so blessed for the last five years to wake up to a smiley boy who is compassionate, loving and outgoing. And I know I can't keep him all to myself so I say goodbye and let the world share him for a bit. Oh the places he will go, and the people who will be blessed by his sweet spirit. For now I only have to let him go for half days, with the covering of prayer.

Things are hardest when your in the middle of it

2010-08-30T14:00:00.002-06:00

I thought this was a funny picture of my two. We have been talking about babies a lot since we are trying to get pregnant. Here sweetpea is 'pregnant'.

I was looking at my little girl peeing on her potty and thinking wow she seems to have been potty trained forever. I seemed to have forgotten those pull up days when some days she never sat on the toilet for me. It seems so far away. It got me to thinking that things sure seem overwhelming when your in the middle of it. In hindsight it was such a short period of time. But isn't that how life goes. I think that taking things into perspective helps a lot. It is just hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when lost in the cave of self pity. I was sitting here doing some budgetting, thinking about my son going off to school next week, thinking about my dying Nana, and my husband's dying Grandpa, and thinking about of all the things that need to be done around here. Then my daughter came over and asked me to color with her. Wow what a reprieve. I went and colored and cuddled and kissed. My son came to play at the table beside me, and he got some kisses too. It got my head out of the self pity I was starting to wallow in and reminded me of my little blessings around me.

Trust and peace

2010-08-19T19:02:00.001-06:00

In Isaiah 26:3 it says “You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is stayed on Thee, because he trusts in you”

My favorite hymn is

O soul, are you weary and troubled?
No light in the darkness you see?
There’s light for a look at the Savior,
And life more abundant and free!
- Refrain:
  Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
  Look full in His wonderful face,
  And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
  In the light of His glory and grace.
Through death into life everlasting
He passed, and we follow Him there;
O’er us sin no more hath dominion—
For more than conquerors we are!
His Word shall not fail you—He promised;
Believe Him, and all will be well:
Then go to a world that is dying,
His perfect salvation to tell!

Camping again

2010-08-18T17:27:00.006-06:00

Our family loves the great outdoors. We go camping every summer at least once. We decided to stay close to home this time, just a little farther then the local lake. It was a beautiful camp ground and we had a beautiful spot camping! The kids loved the ducks that came visiting. And we had a little beach area we took the kids to play in. We also went to the big beach for the kids to play in the sand. I could have stayed in that spot for weeks! Really got me itching for a little cabin on the lake.

The kids have such a great daddy. It was fairly cool out and I only went swimming with the kids once. My husband was their horse and they had so much fun going for a ride then getting thrown off into the water.

Then on the weekend we went and stayed with some friends. And we went boating. A quick pic of my man and me. I had a hat on because the day before I burnt my nose and face a bit.

The kids love jumping off the boat. It was too cold for mommy though. I stayed in the boat and took pictures.
It was a great camping trip. I wish we had longer in that beautiful spot on the lake. We will be booking that spot again for sure. Maybe not this year as it is really cooling off already here. Also, it was great to visit with friends we do not get to see very often. I just find it hard when the rest of the people are young couples with no kids, or single. Kids are not as flexible as adults, but I am sure proud of my kids being so good on the boat.

Another great vacation

I love gardening

2010-08-07T08:47:00.003-06:00

I grew up in central Ontario and the flowers that grow there are numerous. I always appreciated the beautiful blooms of spring and summer. Now that I have my own house I have been enjoying gardening. My husband is very tolerant and lets me invest in our gardens. However up here in a Northern climate and horrible zone for growing I am still learning. I have lost many an investment to the the cold brutal winters. We are a zone 2, 3 if a hardy plant. I have tried to grow a vegetable garden and the only thing that really grew was the lettuce. I think I will try again once the kids playhouse and the landscaping is done in the backyard.

This flower is from an extremely tall plant and it seemed to take over the garden this year. They spread out all on their own and have drowned out a lot of my plants. My hostas barley grew, and my delphiniums didn't even blossom this year. And you can barley see the chicks and hens. I will be thinning these out next year for sure. My lily's seemed to grow well still. I love these. My husband bought me a lily plant one day and I simply planted it after the flowers were done. They have multiplied just like our love and family has!!!!
Here is big view of one of the gardens. It looks a little wild mostly because of those tall flowers (I do not know what they are called). I like wild flowers and so like a wild looking garden. The other front garden has silver mound (thanks to my mother in law) some more of those tall flowers I transplanted, a little fern, and hostas. This side doesn't get much sun so it is hard to figure out what to plant. The back garden has some gout weed, hostas, silver mound, and a flower I planted the first summer in here and not sure what it is called.

All this to say gardens make me smile. Weeding not so much but there is just something about getting my hands in the earth and helping things grow. Hmmm much like child rearing. Pulling out the weeds, correcting behavior and teaching the rights and wrongs of this world and helping they grow.

Exotic Flowers

2010-08-06T08:49:00.003-06:00

My husband sent me this interesting bouquet the other day. He had spent lots and had asked for autumn flowers since I love wildflowers, sunflowers, daisy's, and black eyed susans. Not sure how she thought this was an autumn bouquet?

I do not really find this pretty at all besides the lily and gerber daisy. But it is the thought that counts. What are your favorite flowers?

The Pirate Party

2010-07-21T09:46:00.008-06:00

My son turned 5 and I decided to do a pirate party. Since his birthday is in the summer we haven't really done all the much for birthdays in the past. But this year I thought was a big one since he starts school this year and is really into birthdays and friends. We didn't have everyone of his friends over but we still had a full house of 10kids and 7 adults. The kids were told to come dressed as pirates if they wanted. Here are my little ones as pirates.

We played pin the treasure chest on the x. And put together a ripped up treasure map then find the treasure (kids loot bags). I think my big boy pirate liked his cake.
Looks like everyone liked the cake and ice cream.
Present time of course.

All tired out. My big boy who turned 5!

My boy is 5 WoW

2010-07-16T09:07:00.007-06:00

I remember when we brought this adorable little bundle home from the hospital. He was soon looking for something to eat and hasn't stopped. Ha ha! He is a boy. He was moving and started crawling and pulling himself up in the same week. At nine months he was cruising around furniture and by the end of the month he was walking. He climbed on everything and took to walking along the edge of the arms of chairs and scaring his mommy. He is very busy, and hasn't slowed down. He loves music and is very musical in tone and timing. He can repeat songs off the radio, or beat bops and sings his own songs.
He has grown up so much and I can not believe he starts kindergarten in the fall. He is such an outgoing kid and loves to make new friends. He loves to play with his playmobil guys. He likes to ride his two wheeler (on training wheels). He is usually very sweet with his little sister, and still has time for some cuddles with mommy. He loves his daddy so much and wants to grow big and strong like him. The new things he has done this year is playing soccer and learning his ABC's. He is funny sometimes, and we think he can boarder line read. Or he can figure out a word from the first letter and where we are... not sure. He is a very smart boy! I sure love this brown eyed, brown hair tanned little big 5 year old!(This post is late, his actual birthday was on Monday, however we are not 'celebrating' until tomorrow when daddy is off. Pirate party pictures to come)

Camping and boating

2010-07-15T16:30:00.010-06:00

We went 'camping' and boating with some friends (mostly my husband's). I say camping fairly lightly because we slept in a tent trailer, and ate breakfast at a little diner, and was on the boat the rest of the time. It was fun apart from the point that we had the kids and I felt bad for asking to get dropped of early each night, at 7 or 8. Ryan is such a great guy and is really good with the kids. He is the one with the wake setter that we were on. Here he is letting my son drive, ohhhh we went in circles but he sure loved driving/steering.

Here I am with my son starting to fall asleep beside me in the orange towel. My daughter thought it was pretty special she got to where Ryan's sweatshirt. She sort of had a crush on Ryan when he first started to come around. She was asleep a little after this picture.

Here is Ryan getting some air wake boarding. He is really good, and is good at surfing in the wake off the boat too. Barret surfed one night but I wasn't there to see it and our camera was full so we didn't even getting any evidence. No no I believe him and everyone else. I was cheesed I didn't get to see him though, but the kids were tired and I had to get them to shore shower and feed them a meal. The kids were amazing they didn't eat lunch either day and didn't have supper till 7 or 8 at night. We did feed them lots of juice boxes and snacks.
My son sure loved the boat. Note the sweet speaker above his head. It sure is fun cruising up and down the lake listening to music and watching the guys wake board and surf. Every once and while Ryan would stop mid lake for a break and so the kids could jump in and swim. They loved it.
Here is my burning husband and the kids. Ha ha he totally got burned, poor guy his wife just laughs at him.
One morning while we were waiting for the party animals to wake up we went 'fishing'. The kids loved it. My son caught onto the concept of casting but the little one didn't really get it. Daddy helped her lots.
The lake we were on was called Long lake. It was really nice and the provincial park there was so nice too. We didn't camp at the provincial part but went there to play at the beach and play.
The kids were absolutely wiped to say the least on the way home from the lake. It was fun just wish the people with families from my husband's work who said they were coming had come. But it was still a good weekend of boating and sitting around the fire at night.

Great Grandparents, cousins and Happy Canada Day

2010-07-14T17:55:00.006-06:00

My husband's grandparents came visiting up north last month. His Aunt drove them up and it was great to visit with her and hear about all her new plans ab0ut moving back to Canada after living in New york for a long time. It was great to have them up to visit. Here is my youngest visiting with great grandma. She is just about to big to be sitting on Great Grandma's lap. We played cards, visited, ate and had a great visit.

We all did Canada Day at Grandma and Grandpa's. It was great! My kids love playing with their cousins. Aunty had balloons, and Canada tattoos, and she baked Canada day muffins. She is such a great mom and Aunt and she is the best baker I know. This week my sister in law and brother in law and cute wee niece were up. We got to have my cute niece spend some time with us since her daddy was working on Grandma's house and mommy was doing some schooling. The kids loved playing with her the first day but my younger one got a bit jealous. It was sweet how my son played with his little baby cousin. He is going to be so good with the next baby.

It has been a great summer so far with lots of family from my husband's side up to visit at my mother in law's. My other sister in law and brother in law were up with their cute baby May long weekend.

(These pictures are courtesy of my sister in law Amanda and maybe sister in law Sharolyn took some of these too)

The father of my children

2010-06-21T09:13:00.002-06:00

To me fathers day is all about my husband. I love this man. He is the father of my children, and a great one at that. He is not perfect but who is. He was unsure if he could be a great father to more kids, but I know he can do it. He loves his children and tells them often. He always gives the kids hugs and kisses and trys to treat the two equally. He has built the kids a playhouse in the backyard which we are putting swings and a slide on. He has the opportunity to go away by himself next weekend but he really wants the whole family to come. My son is getting to the age where he really misses daddy when he is working and his behavior expresses this. So my husband decided to take him out for some one on one time in the middle of his shift. He consistently disciplines his kids, and to us this is very important in raising children. Even though we were both raised in different homes he is good to connect and choose parenting techniques together. He really is a great dad and I cannot wait to see him with another baby in his arms.

Oh when Ethan was born it was more then a little rough for me. I labored about 10hours then had to have an emergency C-section. The doctor who cut me open butchered me, he cut me far to wide, and had my family doctor (who is not a surgen) close. The nurse were mortified by the result. All this to say is that I had a slow recovery. My husband was an angel. He had never really held a baby nor taken care of one before. So he was amazing with his son. He stayed in the hospital with me and helped me care for the baby. He brought him to me to try and nurse and helped feed and burp him. He was a great first time father. He is like a good wine and has gotten better with age. Or is it cheese.... whatever he is great.

I love the father of my children

Just feeling blue

2010-06-16T12:08:00.004-06:00

Just feeling blue.... kind of a funny saying. When the sky is blue it is a beautiful day. When the water is blue and clear it is so nice and perfect. However when I say I am feeling blue it is not like that at all. It has been about three months since my miscarriage, and I just feel like life in general has this grey tinge to it. I know I have been so blessed with an awesome husband and my two beautiful children and my house and this town where my husband has a steady job, and the honor to be a stay at home mom. It has been a great set of days off, with my husband and I taking off to Edmonton over night by ourselves to visit some good friends, and we have went out for breakfast lots, and spent lots of time outside playing (husband working on kids playhouse, and me on yard weed control while kids played alongside).

However I have just been feeling off, like I have a heaviness on my spirit. I guess it is the thoughts of how pregnant I would be if I hadn't lost the baby (5months along). I guess it is the thoughts of will I get pregnant again, will I carry the baby to term. These thoughts are not all the time just occasionally, but the grey heavy feeling seems to be here with me for now. I don't know maybe it is still grieving time over a loss, and expectations to get pregnant right away.

Just how I have been feeling. And maybe I have been overly sensitive about things and a little grumpy. Sorry! I know this grey cloud will pass as all the others have in my life, and I will once
again see the brightness of the son and all the blessings too!

How to protect my children?!?

2010-06-09T15:36:00.004-06:00

We were enjoying a nice day at the park with friends the other day. The kids always go off and play while us moms sit and visit. Sure we keep an eye on the kids in the sense that we know generally where they are and that they are okay. Well, I happened to turn from a conversation to check on the kids when I see a mom in an intense stance/conversation with my son. Hmmmm I was wondering what did my kid do?, and at the same time what is that lady saying to me kid?... Well I went over and the lady/mother told me that my son had just got pop thrown on him by some kids who were swearing and being inappropriate. She was very upset and had told me she gave the kids a talking to. The one older kid was obviously to old (in my opinion) to be hanging out on playground equipment, and the other kid (who threw pop on my son) was obviously not being supervised. My son seemed intense and maybe a little upset at the pop incident however he still wanted to play with those boys. I tried to explain to him that what they did was bad. He said that the one boy gave him a high five. I tried to tell him that he needs to be careful who he hangs out with and that not everyone who gives him a high five is a good person.

Oh my innocent little boy. He is so outgoing and friendly and just thinks everyone else is the same. I think he is such a caring and gentle boy like his father who sees only the best in others. In no way do I want to change this sweet demeanor but at the same time I want to instill in him some sort of self preservation, and how to stand up for himself.

We had been at the park for a while and in light of the situation I decided to go home. I really wanted to go yell at the kid and tell them how wrong it was to pick on a little boy. My friends husband had just come to pick her and the kids up so he went and talked to the boys and the older one left. Now my son starts Kindergarten in the fall and I sit here worrying about him. I want to protect him, I want to teach him to stand up for himself. Aaaargggg I say to finish this blog

2010-06-03T16:17:00.003-06:00

May wow what a month

2010-05-27T16:24:00.009-06:00

This has been a very busy and fun month. There are just a couple more days left and I can hardly believe it. My oldest has started playing outdoor soccer. Oh he is so cute out there! But I sure love soccer and sure love my boy so of course.I think he just 'scored a goal' here. The first day was a day to meet the coach, get their shirts and balls and to do some skill building.

He is very social and loved just being there with all the kids.
The weather was crazy. We got some hot weather where the kids actually played in the sprinkler.
We are still in the process of building the playhouse for the kids. Barret sure loves his kids. I mean wow what a cool set up it is going to be when we are all done. A big slide off one side, a house to play in and swings off the other side. My son sure loves getting his tool belt on and helping daddy build.
Whereas my daughter is more happy to swing or play. Wow she is getting so big.
I am not in very many pictures so every once in a while I grab the camera and a kid to take some candid close pics. My husband says that my daughter looks just like me...hmmmm what do you think.
Oh I am so thankful my kids love each other. They generally play well together, and we are instilling them through repetition that they are brother and sister for life, and that it is very important to love one another, to work things out when they disagree and to always look out for one another.
Of course we had mothers day this month. My sister in law made an amazing fruit layered cake, and the men took care of supper and kids (mostly). Also, may long my husband's siblings and families where up here at my in laws. It was my mother in law's birthday (funny same day as my mom) and nephews birthday. We had a great time in spite of the horrible weather. It was down right cold and nasty out (6 degrees, and rainy cloudy). Sure hope my sis in law posts pictures since I didn't remember to bring over my camera all weekend. Ha Ha! I have gotten my planters planted, and even plan to go out and plant some more perennials this evening. We live in a harsh part of Canada where the growing zone is only 2-3. Gardeners will know what this means. It is really dry over the summer too. So, gardening for a girl who comes from central/southern Ontario can be challenging. But I sure love my gardens.

Also, on the post miscarriage front my hcg levels are down, and I have had a regular cycle, and we are back at the trying for a baby fun! I feel a lot better too so I know my hormones are back to normal.

I have been feeling really blessed lately. Remember to look around you and count your blessings. And when life is really rough remember to count the little ones too!!!!

Jasper trip: The hike

2010-04-19T09:08:00.005-06:00

The Old Fort Point trail outside of Jasper was a beautiful trail. There are several different trails long and short that are all attached, for all different skill and ability. We had decided being out of shape and trailing a three and four year old to go for a casual easy trail, that would put us on a cliff look out point at the end, with a wooden stair case to easily walk down at the end.

Maybe my first mistake was not having a proper map, or maybe it was letting my husband look at the maps along the way. I knew and even said I thought we were going deeper and deeper into the woods when we were suppose to be going across and back. We were! The first picture does not give an accurate idea of how steep and icy the first major climb was. That should have been the first clue we were off the easy trail. We should have turned back before this, because after it we couldn't imagine going back down safely with a three and four year old in tow. Part of getting lost probably had to do with all the wild life warnings. There was a section that had the trails into it crossed off. We were being very cautious not to wander into these areas. I still managed to take this picture. The picture again does not do it any justice as to how big it is. The wolves there are huge. Our hotel had a stuffed one on display at the front lobby and it is as big as a man if it were to stand on its hind legs. On all four it is bigger then my kids. So of course I was making sure we were not headed into their area.

We came across a man about an hour and a half into the hike. We asked if it got easier, and if we were just about done and he laughed at us... not a good sign. He said he walked these trails all the time. We were now on the a different trail then planned and the biggest one. He told us how the trail went and about a short cut. Hmmmm he saw we had little kids and should have told us to turn around!!!! The trail to come had beautiful views as the fellow hiker had said, but what he didn't tell us about was the dangerous steep and side of the mountain terrain to come. We got some great pictures. Here Barret and the kids are on the edge of a drop off. Most of the second half of the hike the trail was right alone these drop offs with steep embankments up on the other side of us. Second picture is of my husband trying to give me a heart attack. It was a steep side of mountain/hill the trail was on. Again the picture does not really show how high we are up from the valley or how steep, it went down there there was a drop off. Barret decides to stop in the middle of this very dangerous part of the trail to take a picture.

We sure got some great pictures throughout the hike. And Barret had worn the backpack carrier so Kyla rode up there most of the trek. At the end of the hike it took us 3 hours to do a 12km hike. Crazy terrain, beautiful views, and an exhausted four year old who walked most of it.

Gone

2010-04-13T10:49:00.000-06:00

As I sit here and wonder of what has become
I think but try not to think about the results from.
I was late I was unsure so many times all the same
but a positive test is the result that had came.
The thought both scary and exciting set in
then the joy of a new life started growing with in.
The joy seemed to slow down as the blood spots appeared
and it all seemed to fizzle out more blood as feared.
So I wonder but try not to think about life hoped for
so I sit here asking God His peace and life into me pour.
The lab work is in and the levels have been read
and now I know my baby dead.

Miscarriage is obviously the way God made our bodies deal with something that was wrong in the womb. It doesn't make it any easier to deal with. Just leaning on God, trying to live in his peace.

My Baby girl is 3

2010-03-30T11:40:00.005-06:00

My princess turned 3. Wow! She is becoming a big girl. She is very good at communicating how she feels, and what she wants. She loves dresses, and playing boy things with her brother too.

She loved all her presents so much she kissed each of them. Here her brother and cousin get in on the action.
Daddy helped her unwrap her presents and read her cards. And her friend watched excitedly. It sure is great that my kids have lots of friends.
We did a doodle bops theme since the kids were going to their concert that night. This is dee dee doodle with a princess crown on.

It was a fun party with lots of kids. The kids played well and I think the adults had a good time of visiting.

My smiley faced beautiful well rested girl

2010-03-04T07:48:00.001-07:00

Oh heavenly rest. Last night my sweet pea was a little cautious about putting on the kushie cloth training pants.

Mommy: Come put on your night time underwear and your pjs.

Daughter: oh no pullup

Mommy: no honey they are cloth like your underwear.

Daughter: I still a big girl

Mommy: Yes you are my big girl, this is just your night time underwear

She put it on and it was a blissful sleep last night. She went pee before bed like usual, and then sleep from 8pm til 8am. I am sitting here with a very happy little girl watching cartoons and eating her dry cereal.

I think both of us caught up on some much needed sleep last night.

My toddler and night time potty training

2010-03-03T10:48:00.002-07:00

Well, I think I am spent. I have been trying to keep my almost 3 year old in underwear at night. She has been wetting the bed off and on. She has never been a good sleeper so when she wets the bed she wakes up and has a hard time getting back to sleep. I have tried getting her up to pee before I go to bed but she doesn't wake up enough and never pees for me. I have tried the waffle thick underwear put they are not enough. I am only allowing her to have a drink with supper and nothing after supper and she is still peeing the bed. She pees right before she goes to bed and still pees the bed. I am tired and my little potty training toddler has been cranky during the days after she was up from peeing the bed. I have some kushies training pants that have a water proof lining so I am going to try that tonight. I am a little concerned this might cause her to digress in her potty training. She is doing so good during the day. My son was really good with few accidents, he always woke up and went pee in the middle of the night from the beginning.

If any one has any ideas please let me know.

Just us these days

2010-03-01T15:25:00.004-07:00

Well, we have had busy January and February. In January we welcomed a new little niece into the family. Jessica is a beautiful baby girl and we are so happy we got to go down to Edmonton to visit with Tim and Sharolyn (my husband's sister and brother in law). It was a great trip visiting with some really good friends Emil and Char. But on the day we headed home my daughter got sick with the flu. Well, the flu went through our house and my daughter had it for 9days.

Then once that was all over I decided to get rid of the pull-ups. My son I potty trained straight into underwear with no pull ups but with my daughter we have been using pull-ups. She hasn't been consistently going to the bathroom so I decided to get rid of them and switch to underwear. She has been doing really good during the day. It seems she only has accidents when she is really busy playing, or at night. She is growing up so fast. She talks very well, and is very independent. I want to see her become her own person and try not to oppress her independence, and strong spirit. She is a very bright girl too. I can't believe she is turning three this month, and sometimes can't believe she is just turning three...

Now my son. Oh my four year old. He is very opinionated lately, and the temper... He gets so angry when he doesn't get what he wants. Today we were at a friends playing and he had a full out freak out because he wasn't allowed a toy and was told it was time to go home. He hit and kicked me and refused to go sit in time out. I was very upset with him so I carried him to the couch for his time out. He continued to throw what was around him and yell. He would not calm down. So after the time was up for his time out, I told him what he did was not okay then asked him if he would help clean up and go now. He got really mad again. So, I asked him if he wanted to pray to Jesus and ask him to help him calm down and behave better. He said no so mommy prayed for herself, and asked Jesus to help my son calm down. It seemed to help a bit. Now I need to remember to do this more often. He can be a very nice big brother, and can be very sensitive to those around him. He can be a very big helper to mommy. I think he really acts out when daddy hasn't been around much. Well that makes sense since daddy has been working lots lately.

Here are the kids playing with there sticker books they got from there Aunt and Uncle for Christmas. They really love them. Mommy really likes them because they usually do not slow down to much during the day.

I have been learning to pray more, and to look to God to fill my love tank, so I can love. The whole potty training with no pull-ups only underwear had me sitting one on one with my daughter and playing with the kids as to catch when she started and get her to the toilet. Well, I have been reminded to play with my kids. They love the attention and time with mommy. With my son I am trying to give him lots of praise when is doing good things, I guess so he desires to do the right thing. Daddy has been working lots but that is what is needed right now.

Now I am hoping for this warm weather to stay, and for spring to come. I am wanting to start some home renovations just not sure the husband wants to. All I am allowed to do is paint. It's a start I guess. But soon enough there will be lots to do outside, with the shed/playhouse to finish, and a patio and landscaping to plan.

Krista's Clips giveaway

2010-02-19T08:58:00.004-07:00

An old friend of mine from College started up a home business for herself. She makes hair clips. These clips are great for baby fine hair. I've used some when my daughter was a baby and they work perfect. Krista has a huge selection of ribbon patters to choose from! http://www.kristasclips.etsy.com

You can check out the review and giveaway at http://glimpse-reviews.blogspot.com/2010/02/clip-back-curls-giveaway-2-winners.html

Christmas with us and guests

2010-01-05T10:51:00.010-07:00

Christmas has come and gone. We had my parents up for a visit from Ontario for a couple weeks and it has flown bye. They stayed at my in-laws s we all had some space and it seemed to work great. We played literally hours of cards, and drank lots of tea and coffee. The kids got lots of cuddles in and climbing to on poor grandpa.

We all had the cold at one point over the holidays. So here is grandpa who was basically sick the whole time but certainly put on a brave face through it all. My daughter sure loves her grandpa and got tons of cuddles.

Here is our tree, a real tree. I do love the Christmas tree, and wish we could have it up all year. (I do not necessarily love the vacuuming everyday but hey I got a Dyson for my birthday so not such a chore to vacuum anymore.)Daddy worked nights Christmas Eve. So the kids had to wait until daddy got home at 8:30am to open anything. They were very patient. I think the kids loved the chocolates and candy canes they got in their stockings.
Okay obviously my daughter loved the princess activity/coloring book she got too.

My daughter got a cabbage patch doll for Christmas and I .... I mean she loves it. Ha ha. They are so cute and smell like baby powder.
My son got walkie talkies... not so clear and not a big hit but oh well.
He also got a playmobil castle with knights and that was a bit hit. He loves his castle and knights and swords, but his little sister wrecks it and mommy has to keep the little pieces up. AHHHH little sisters. It is a real challenge with toys and different ages of children.
My parents loved my in-laws tree, it is beautiful. So, they got a picture with the kids in front of it. It was a good Christmas and New Years celebration.

November and December: Lots of fun

2009-12-31T11:05:00.013-07:00

November and December has been full of fun times. A good way to end the year for sure.

My sweet little niece (the one in the pink) came to visit so we had a baby party( I invited my friends with little babies over).
Around my house you can find a super hero and a princess from time to time. (and baskets of laundry to be put away too)
We had some friends stay a weekend. (aka I babysat my friends 2 little ones for a weekend) And by the way I could have four kids if my husband would let me! Maybe not 4 under four like this weekend was but four kids spread out for sure. Grandma and Grandpa Rice came for Christmas all the way from Ontario. My daughter sure loves her Grandpa.

And a one eyed pirate always has time for a quick cuddle with Grandma!
Here are my kids wrapped in love sent from afar! My sister and her family sent the kids these blankets of love, and they sure like them!

I turned 31 a couple of days after Christmas and I can see that what I have accomplished thus far in my life are great! I love my two beautiful children.

So, Merry Christmas to all! And to all the best in the New Year! I plan to have more of this in the New Year and become a better, and "smaller" person in the New year. What do you want for the New Year?

My little soccer boy!

2009-11-27T10:13:00.004-07:00

My passion is soccer, and so it was very exciting that my son started playing soccer this year. He is sitting right next to the coach. I am the manager and help out at practices and when the coach is gone.
My son is the one in motion in the foreground. He is really getting the hang of it. He loves his new friends probably more then the sport and that is okay.
My daughter comes usually and just plays on her own or if I am running it she comes with me on the field and "plays soccer" a little while the kids practice or warm up.

This is what fills our Saturday and Sunday mornings lately.

Shed/Playhouse

2009-11-27T09:55:00.005-07:00

Our little carpenters. They were all decked up with their safety goggles and "hard hats". Their tool belts were filled with real tools, a hammer, tape measure (not safe for children, Ethan cut his hand on it), pencil, gloves, ruler.

Helping daddy was great fun. This is as far as we got this year. Well we did put the wrap around. The kids loved helping. It is going to be a shed on the bottom with a playhouse up top. There will be stairs on the far side with a slide beside that, and on this side we will put out a beam with swings on it. We will finish it in the spring and this summer our backyard will be the place to be. My husband is a great daddy.

Halloween or as we say candy day!

2009-11-17T15:10:00.002-07:00

My Princess and my knight. They sure love to dress up so Halloween was a big hit. Even though it snowed and the kids had to wear their snowsuits they still had fun. We finished the night with a visit to Grandpas and Grandmas. The kids ate some candy and played with their cousins. It was fun. I know this comes almost a month late, but had to post this anyways.

My castle has a Superhero, and a princess

2009-10-28T14:11:00.004-06:00

Things around our house has been fun these days. The kids have really been enjoying dressing up and play make believe. I am just loving seeing them grow up and play with such great imagination. It has also been gloomy and rainy out as noted in my last post. We have been going for walks in the rain with our umbrella's and singing for Mr Sun to come out and play. So, the fun creativity is good for being stuck inside for the majority of the day. I guess it is inevitable since winter is around the corner and soon enough it will be to cold to play outside.

Winter seems not so gloomy this year since my daughter is older now and can be out in the cold longer. I am planning on getting on my cross country skis which I haven't been on in years. Also, I bought my 4 year old his own little pair. I'm thinking I am going to put my daughter in the back pack carrier during our outings. This is all in my effort to loss this weight and be healthier. I think I am doing the organic change well since my husband says to me the other day "you really are going green aren't you". So funny I thought, but also encouraging that he sees the changes I am making in our house and with our family.

So today at lunch I had to tell my kids to eat up their cheese sandwiches. They were just eating their broccoli, cucumbers and dip. I mean this is a great problem to have. My kids prefer raw vegetables and I try and make these part of their meals as much as possible. They also love yogurt, and fruit. Of course my kids are not perfect and their are days when they barely eat anything.

My kids are really good at playing together on their own. And I am really not sure what to get either of them for Christmas. My son asked his dad today for a telescope for Christmas and I am not really sure where that came from. He is really loving his hot wheels cars, and says he likes outer space and knights. I'm not sure what to get him for knights toys, and would love any suggestions if anyone has any. He is going to be a knight for Halloween. My daughter is still young and seems happy to play with whatever her brother is playing with, and of course she loves dolls. She has lots of dolls, I think she is going to get some doll accessories like a bed, carriage. As Christmas approaches I am going to get the Operation Christmas boxes for each of the kids to fill for some other child. I want them to start understanding at a young age that Christmas is about giving and celebrating the love of God through helping the poor.

I am now sitting here thinking of Christmas. My parents are coming up to celebrate it with us which is great since we haven't been together in 4 years for Christmas. However I think of the rest of my family and wished we lived closer. My mom had a fall and has been in a lot of pain. I wish we could just come over and bring her flowers and hugs. My nephews are playing hockey and I wish I could go watch them play. My nieces and little nephew are going through a pile of stuff with their parents getting divorced and I wish I could be there for them. My Nana and Uncle Peter and getting older and are both in senior homes. I wish we could go visit them and brighten their days. So, my family are on my mind lots these days.

My husband's family are up in this area of the country, some closer then others. We welcomed a new little niece in the summer, and are looking forward to another new niece or nephew in January. The kids can see one set of Grandparents on a fairly regular basis which is great. I am remembering to count my blessings and my husband's family really are a major part of our blessings. More blessings are our friends up here. I am just looking for a small group bible study for our family to go to. We love our church and I am hoping to be able to connect with some other families in the church to grow together with.

So,this post has been a goulash of information. My little superhero and princess and currently watching Nemo and chilling on the couch. I am learning to live each day through the good and the bad with an optimistic perspective. In this castle with my superhero/knight and my princess how could I not see things as if I were in a fairy tale. I am loving my castle and my little inhabitants, and even thought the King can be grumbly most days I am trying to be his encourager and the best Queen I can be.

The sky is grey and my kids are the glowing lights

2009-10-10T09:50:00.003-06:00

I have been feeling grey, as the sky has been so grey lately. I'm trying to remember to take my vitamin D. Winter is most certainly upon us. It is also Thanksgiving weekend but my husband works shift and is working over it. I am missing my family back in Ontario and wishing I could be there. Don't get me wrong I am happy here, I have a great husband, friends and my husbands family are here and are great. I just wonder what it would be like to live closer to my family, and my nieces and nephews. I have missed them growing up and that makes me sad. It makes me sad that my kids do not really know their cousins there.

On a positive not we have had a great summer and fall. The kids are growing up so fast, and I feel like the days with them are flying away. My son will be starting kindergarten next year. People have asked my why I am not putting him in preschool. And I am very glad for my choice to keep him home this year. He has been learning things with me, and I have really been enjoying watching him learn new things. Also he has been playing so well with his little sister. I also love it that she has him around still so she can learn how to share, and how to compromise and play what someone else wants to. They are really good friends. I wasn't ever close with my siblings growing up so it is a real blessing to see my kids be best friends. I am trying to instil in them they have to think about each others feelings and what the other one wants to do or play. I think raising children who can care about thing and people other then themselves does the whole society a benefit.

Anyways, through all the grey skies shines my beautiful children. So for this Thanksgiving I say that I am thankful for them. It really is a blessing and such an honor to be a mother. I am thankful for my husband who I love so much and who gave me these beautiful children. He always makes me laugh and I just have fun with me. He is currently building a shed/playhouse in the backyard. The kids are so excited and say that daddy is building them a castle. I have some cute pictures but can't get them loaded so I'll ask my techy husband tonight to help me. The kids have their own carpenter gear and are soooo cute in it. Also, they are into dressup lately, my house is usually a castle with a knight and a princess in it. Or a scene of mr incredible and a princess, or a dance studio with the ballerina duo. ha ha I love my kids.

Hope all of you can see your glowing lights through the grey clouds!

Going green, doing the job right

2009-09-04T23:08:00.004-06:00

I like to believe that in life I strive to do the job right. I have had a hard go over the last 4 years learning on this ever changing job of motherhood. It does not come with a guide, or a "list of duties", or a how to manuel. But when I break down what I have been doing and what my job is it is to watch out for the health and welfare of my husband and kids. Okay I will break it down for you all. I dress them with laundered 'clean' clothes, I feed them with 'nutritional' food, I keep the place they live in 'clean', I make sure they are well rested in a safe environment. I also teach them about God, do a lot of budgetting, and bill paying and organizing... I am not going to list everything. My point is that I have a job that I have been only partially doing right. The clothes have been laundered with chemicals and irritating phosphates, the food has been processed or full of pesticides and hormones, the house cleaned with dangereous chemicals. I have seen the error of my ways and am trying to better life for us.

I have been on a journey over the last couple months to a healthier me. This has lead me to my natural path doctor, who has been a true blessing to me, and my body. All these positive results have directed me to really see where I have been going wrong and how to change. Sure I have been thinking for a while that we have to take care of our environment, and to be cautious of processed foods. However it hasn't been to recently that I have truly grasped the severity of it all. What’s On My Food? :: Pesticides On Food is a great site for learning about the harmful things in our food. My healthy friend put me onto this site and I am learning from her and the priorities they make in their family.

As I said earlier I have been trying to do my job right but have been failing unknowingly. I have been living as an uneducated person who puts priorities on the wrong things and does not see the dangers under my own roof. I am on the journey to green cleaning products, organic produce and meat, and natural materials. The latter is a major undertaking and am mostly starting with the cleaning products and food.

So, you ask me how am I changing these. First, I am researching the best cleaning products and am leaning towards lemons, vinegar and baking soda. Secondly, I am buying mostly organic produce, and am going to check out the local farm next week to hopefully get some corn, carrots and potatoes. I have some been using some organic chickens from a farmer around here, but am looking into some other organic farms with both beef and poutry. ( I have some numbers to call) Thirdly and most importantly I am placing this as a priority in our lives, budget and mindset.

That is that for me. I need to sleep, rest and keep thinking green, natural, health for my family.

The Journey

2009-08-14T09:48:00.000-06:00

Why are we as a human race such beings of defeatism? I mean the goals we strive for seem to get lost in the mundane self defeating actions that occur in an instant. I find that as I move to make the mental decision to be more astute about my healthy living choices, that I inherently throw road blocks ahead of my self. It can be seen through out history, and retrospectively in my own life, time and time again. Maybe it is the goal itself that clouds ones perspective of the journey. Anyone can see how war is the result of one person’s goal to rule, their way. The journey there leaves bodies and desolated land in it wake. The goal is ultimately lost in those self defeating actions that time and time again seem to overthrow all else. As a human race we are unique in this animal kingdom of earth that we do not seem to learn and adapt. Throughout history there is a plethora of examples to learn from, yet we are still choosing to look at a goal and not the journey. It would do us all good to think about the process, to literally take our head out of our ass and look at how everything effects everything else in the world around us. So funny because I have certainly had my head in my ass for the last couple of years that is why I write that. To be so lost in self.

All this to say that I have finally come to the realization that I am on a journey. I need to not get lost in the goal of 80lbs to lose. I have been definitely self sabotaging with my late nights (early mornings no choice with child A+B), lack of exercise, and occasional ice cream indulgences. I did a liver cleanse which I found went well, except for the yeast infection I got at the end. Two weeks of a limited diet, and drinking smoothies with powder cleanse aid. When I came off I found I didn't really like some things; white bread, ketchup. However instead of taking things slow and reintroducing things while observing the reactions, I have just been eating crap here and there. I mean why? I did all that work for two weeks, and have landed myself right back into the problem eating of having something I am intolerant to, milk, or fatty (or both) and feel guilty and end up just letting my values slip.

I believe this will be a journey of weight loss, but I believe even more that it will be a journey of self discovery. I said it before and I say it again I believe a lot of the things in life that either defeat us or empower us along the way are first developed in ones mind. Negative talk, or thought is the greatest form of self defeatism. I know I need to become a encourager, to myself first and then those around me. If we are to learn from our mistakes, if we are to become better we must make that mental decision to take care on the journey. For if we get lost on the journey we will never reach the goal.

My favorite hymn through all the struggles and joys of life is Turn your eyes upon Jesus.

Turn your eyes upon Jesus, Look full in his marvelous face and the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of his glory and grace.

For me this means that if we live in this grace, and give to others the grace we have received this journey is doable.